14 Funny Votes
8 Die Votes
Published October 15, 2012

Even though the four sexual assault lawsuits against John Travolta have been settled, the actor took out a massive sexual harassment insurance plan this morning to protect himself from future prosecution. "Natural disasters like these can, and will happen again," said the infamous masseur-molester, who customized his own insurance plan, called Natural Sexual Disaster Coverage.

The Leek has obtained a copy of the plan and can confirm that it covers "grinding himself against massage tables, spreading his own butt cheeks, and giving fully nude lapdances to masseurs who charge over two hundred dollars an hour."

Travolta wrapped up a rambling press conference by saying, "It's a shame that we live in a world where men have to take out these types of insurance policies.  Seriously, a female masseuse could suffocate a man with her titties and still not get sued." Shortly after the press conference Travolta purchased the Mel Gibson Premium plan for Natural Sexist Disaster Coverage.