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October 16, 2013

A choice selection from the cutting room floor of The Definitive Guide to Enlightening Information



  • We Saw God’s Sassy Side: The Two Commandments That Moses Didn’t Want You To Hear


  • Cadillacs, A Ping Pong Table And Balloons Full Of Coke: A Day On Tour With Engelbert Humperdinck


  • We Played Jenga With Undercover Cops On The Outskirts Of The Vatican


  • We Drank Horse Saliva And Ran A Half-Marathon With Paula Abdul


  • Red Raw: We Shared A TGI Friday’s Combo Platter With Guatemala’s Favorite Transsexual Pornstar


  • Did You Know That Hitler’s Last Living Relative Works At A Taco Bell/Pizza Hut Combo In Barstow, CA? We Did


  • We Paid A Street Violinist To Play The Avatar Soundtrack While We Attempted To Ingest 5 Pounds Of Deodorant


  • We Stole An AK-47 From A Taliban Chef And Shot Our Cameraman In The Face


  • Fried Chicken, Dry-Erase Markers And Aborted Horse Fetuses: The Truth About Working Craft Services


  • Find Out What Happened When We Kidnapped A Tongan Orphan And Promised Him A Game Of Paintball With Gucci Mane In An Idaho McDonald’s


  • Doritos Locos Tacos & Fellatio On The Toilet: We Spent Spring Break In Montana With The Obama Daughters


  • We Stole All Of Gordon Ramsey’s Whisks Then Got High With His Best Friend’s Neighbor


  • What Happens When A Crew Of Inbred Tattooed Eskimos Accept A Surgical Residency In One Of Eastern Malaysia’s Busiest Hospitals? We Found Out.


  • How An Abandoned Strip Club In Downtown Atlanta Quickly Became The Hottest Gastro-Pub Outside Of The British Empire


  • Michael Cera Explained To Us How Knitting And A Mutual Love Of German Candy Saved His Parents’ Marriage


  • We Went To Whole Foods With A Coked-Out Interpretive Dancer


  • Real-Life Russian Roulette: How Imported Monterey Jack Cheese Is Disrupting The Lives Of Moscow’s Working Class


  • Boats And Hoes: We Joined A Group Of Somali Pirates On Their Heist Of The Disney Cruise Ship


  • We Hung Out And Talked Politics With Tanzania’s Hottest New Acapella Group


  • A Retired Pot Dealer Is Now Running A Successful Salad Bar In Downtown Calgary: We Find Out What Turned Mr Green Into Mr Greens