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May 01, 2012

Brian writes monologue jokes every day. This is one of those days. He may or may not be incarcerated. You can find more at http://brianunderstands.tumblr.com. Thank you.

During the filming of a James Bond movie, Timothy Dalton says Benicio Del Toro accidentally cut off his finger. However, Dalton could tell he was apologetic by the look in his squint.??

One World Trade Center officially became the tallest building in New York City today. Yet another selling point for tourists excited about visiting Ground Zero.??

Microsoft has invested $300 million in Barnes & Noble's Nook business. Because if anyone knows a good, portable device, it's the makers of the Zune.??

Former Backstreet Boys singer A.J. McLean announced he's expecting a child via YouTube. And nothing says "I'm overcome with joy" than juxtaposing your announcement with a cat stuck in a toilet.??

Arianna Huffington called Obama's campaign ad highlighting the death of Osama bin Laden "despicable." You can read more about it by clicking a series of links that will eventually lead you to the story you want.??

An Australian billionaire says he will build a replica of the Titanic and travel from England to New York in 2016. But at least someone is taking advantage of there not being any icebergs anymore.??

A man is suing BMW because, he says, his car gave him a non-stop erection for 20 months. After 15 months, Tony da Costa just stopped finding it funny.??

David Arquette says he was refused an audition to replace Regis Philbin as Kelly Ripa's co-host on "Live!" Said the show's producers, "We don't think our audience wants someone who looks like the guy who punches them in their sleep at the nursing home."

??In addition to blocking any news about Chen Guangcheng’s escape from house arrest, China is also blocking any mention of "The Shawshank Redemption." Both for containing elements about escape as well as showing Tim Robbins on the beach WITH his shirt on.??

New York Police Commissioner Ray Kelly said he's "still contemplating" a run for mayor.  It's either that or continue playing Creed on "The Office" for a few more years.

Obama's campaign has finally announced that "Forward" will be it's new campaign slogan. Because if you looked backward, you might see all those people stuck at Guantanamo Bay.??

Scientists say vitamin D may protect against viruses during the winter. Unfortunately, during the summer, it's more likely to give you chlamydia and never answer its phone.