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August 17, 2017
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Subs are the worst.


Ugh. You’ve got a sub today. That’s the worst. Get ready for a stranger to try and teach you stuff. They never know where anything is, or how the vibe of the class even works. They’re just… different. Well, you’ve got two options: you can either go along with it OR you can…


Talk about when your mom and your teacher used to have parent/teacher conferences

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This will make the sub feel out of place so if they ever do meet your parents, they know they will never fill that role the way your teacher does.


When they say to go to lunch, stay in the classroom

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Show the sub they can’t tell you what to do by directly disobeying them and skipping your lunch period. Yeah, be hungry, that’ll show ‘em!


Bring the sub your teacher’s favorite apple

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That’s nice the sub’s favorite apple is Granny Smith, but your teach’s fav is Fuji so that’s what they’re eating. You’re still being a “nice person,” but the sub will understand you don’t care what their individual preferences are, and ultimately, you don’t care about them.


Ask them a bunch of questions… about your teacher’s personal life

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Why would you waste your time getting to know someone who isn’t going to be a permanent factor in your life? Get as many deets on your real teacher as you can, even if the sub knows nothing.


Blurt out that you can’t read their block letters on the white board because your teacher always writes in cursive

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Make the sub feel inferior with their block letters to the superior cursive writing of your teacher who made you all far more advanced than even your sub is.


Say “NO” anytime the sub touches something belonging to your teacher

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If the sub needs to write something on the white board: NO. Pass out a test: NO. Open a window: NO. That all belongs to your teacher and they need permission to touch it.


Note how inactive the class pet is without your teacher around

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Even Goldie the goldfish can feel it. This sub does not belong and should just leave. You’re all happier without them.


Change the clock

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You trickster. If the sub keeps the students in class longer than the school day allows, that’s against school policy and the principal will have to get involved. Smart thinkin’!


Just call them “Sub”

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You could go into the continued mispronunciation or forgetting of their name, but it’s just simpler to streamline it and go right to calling them “Sub.” No matter how many times they tell you their name, they’ll just always be “Sub.” There’s only room in your brain for one teacher’s name.


Straight up tell them they’ll never be your real teacher

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There really is no need to dodge your main point. They need to know. It’s just never going to happen PERIOD.


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