5-9-12 -- The rest of the nation was shocked, today, as a group with a well-documented history of hate and intolerance did something hateful and intolerant.
Many had hoped that the hateful, intolerant citizens would surprise everybody by breaking the centuries-long streak of being decades behind the rest of the world, but they were disappointed when the hateful, intolerant citizens did the same goddamn thing they always do.
"People need to mind their own business," said one local resident of the town that hate and intolerance built. "I did what I did because I have the right to do whatever I want. Just because you believe what I do is wrong, doesn't mean you can tell me what to do." The citizen remained totally unaware of the irony that was flowing out of her face, transforming her mouth into some sort of hate-fountain.
"I don't know why I expected anything different out of those people," said a man who lives in a place where people aren't hateful and intolerant. "I feel like a jackass. It's the same feeling I had that one time I spent a whole day hoping my dog would 'meow'. Guess what. The dog didn't 'meow.'
No word yet on what the next step is for the hateful, intolerant citizens, but the rest of the nation will continue crossing their collective fingers in hopes that they will, one day, do the right thing. Unfortunately, this day does not appear to be coming anytime soon, given the fact that, no matter how impressive it would be, dogs don't 'meow.'"