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May 02, 2015

A guy who just got into Game of Thrones by the time the fifth season starts, has a few questions for Theon as his character changes.

A Quick Question For Theon Greyjoy After He Seized Winterfell And Almost Immediately Lost It…
Now that I’ve finished season 3

Hi Theon,

I just got a part-time job, so I gotta keep it short.

It looks like things went a bit south for you there. It is never easy when those who swore you fealty (Am I saying that right?) sell you out, like your men did. Who knows? They might not have even sworn you fealty. Maybe they fought for riches alone? That’s the worst type of soldier for a king to storm a castle with, if you ask me. You never know when they’ll raise the price of their loyalty and go to work for someone else if you don’t agree to a salary increase, am I right?

Only to end up tied to that X-shaped post; tortured, freed, and captured again by the guy who freed you? Then he starts torturing you? That dude really thinks things through. I suppose it’s easier to do that when you have the means to do so. No peasant could ever hope to afford that lifestyle.

Who could’ve predicted that you’d lose your penis? (So many questions on that front!) It’s situations like that that factor into my inability to trust women with my penis (I’ve been hurt more than once). Preachin’ to the choir, no doubt! Part of me thinks you didn’t do enough to stop it, but then I also think that I’ve never been in that situation, so I can’t really know what I would’ve done. Though, I’m pretty sure I’d have un-manacled myself, delivered a perfect roundhouse kick to the dude’s throat, ripped out his vocal cord, nailed it to the post, and end with a clever witticism or two. Something to that end, you know? Shoulda, woulda, coulda – yeah?

To conclude:
I know you’re a busy guy (or I assume you are since, as far as I know you’re not dead yet), but I would like to point out that correspondence is a two way street. In order for this pen pal thing to work, a reply on your part is crucial. Even if you have to dictate to a servant or guard, it doesn’t mean you care any less. What I’m saying is that you can always find a little time to make this work.

Yours in honor, (Does that sound cheesy?)

Steve N.