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Published July 09, 2010
"I WISH THE FUNNY OR DIE BLOG EDITOR WOULD CO-OPERATE WITH MY BLOGGISH DEMANDS... ONE MILLION DOLLARS...PLUS INIFINITY..." - yours truly

My name means the wisdom of kings under the mountain (Clark _ Unterberg).  "My name is in ego, montoya... you killed my father.... prepare to die!" "STOP SAYING THAT!"  I was born on 11/11 in the year of our lord, 1983.  My geneological background is "questionable at best", but mostly Spanish (Guamanian), Scottish, Irish, German, and most importantly Native American (I was born in California).  This is my blog.  I put it up so that you may read it without sick thoughts of identity theft or illegal name changes swimming through your heads.  My brain chemistry is pretty balanced.  Few rough patches, but we all go through those.  I wuv my ego so much that whenever I wet it go, it commeth backeth to non-virgoish (overanalytical) me.  I wuv da twees.  The trees are my homies.  I believe that Aliens are responsible for weather patterns and most people are either scared of me or really enjoy my sense of reality.

I wuv bwogging. Bwogging is funny.  In one of my old bwogs I wrote "If I was an ewok, I would live in a sunny patch."  Arrrr... mi mateys are not pirates!

Since my middle name is often called Dick (Richard), I will utilize various techniques to achieve orgasm. What are these techiniques you may ask?  Rope-a-dopes, Laugh out louds, Schizophrenic stuff.

Enter Abilify...

I got a couple of funny voicemails from my Psychologist and (third) therapist... The psychologist (Dr. Cohen) is wondering why there is a gap between my perscription refills... I guess he never forgets to take his medicine sometimes.... peer pressure if you ask me... "Hey, are you still on Abilify? I know you just refilled, but, you wanna up the dose?! Treading on thin fishing lines, boy!"  Actually, he's just making sure I'm okay....

My therapy history:  As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be... (as in just being...)

My first therapist encounter happened in Berkeley.  He was a family therapist and I was so f[in] embarassed to go... but he was located on Prince St. so I said to myself "Hey, Sinead says "Nothing Compares 2 U""...and ended up going to have a talk.  After several sessions, we came to the conclusion that my deep rooted psychological shock and awe type of behavior occured because of the separation anxiety created when my parents split up.  I ended up showing him a bunch of my artwork and he was fascinated.  Dude gave me a business card and things were fine for a while....

Then I was possessed by an evil spirit for like...5 minutes (all of this happened post Sept. 11, and I really think I was just absorbing all of the evil and fearful thoughts...as they had chosen my body to digest them)...and ran up the stairs one day, punched my grandpa in the face a bunch of times till he hugged my legs and mom and grandma ran upstairs to see what was happening.  The punishment was brutal.  I blame communism.  Anyways, I ended up taking another amazing adventure through the Upper-West Coast of the American continent...which is reflective of something I know but you don't....

Ended up at Auntie Genie's house in Hoodsport, WA, where thieves had stolen my ATVbestowed upon me from my old school Germanic father who is an extremist and a workaholic...and he has too many kids to remember all of them...and he didn't pay enough child support.  Anyways, this lead to Therapist #2.... The guy that looked like Stan Cardinet (mom and brother's old high school history teacher who often got dramatic).  He thought I was fine too.  He suggested I try a synthetic version of THC that had just been approved by the FDA.  Shortly after this, my aunt came home one night and scared me away back to California.... (but I had some adventures up in Washington...that's for sure.  Saw some coooool Yachts...and practiced my spell-breaking shamanistic skills as well as worked on some music for the band I was in at the time (who were all trying to rush for some reason...and everyone wanted to be the leader except for the bass player)...

I left out some psychotic episodic parts, but I'm sure my current therapist's notes can bring those to light...

So, after I finally agreed to come back down, after settling a bunch of weird RV paperwork that was a fuckin hassel.. and it was supposed to be a X-mas present....and the fuckin RV had been rotting away because someone (the dude who bought it aka Jurgen) just ups and leaves what he can't handle...and sure enough, no one believes I'm stable.  "Ok, you can move back in as long as you see a psychologist (Peter) and take medicine to supress your [natural beauty]." 

Peter said I was fine... passed me on to Andrea (current therapist)...and she thinks I'm "doing better."  She's happy with my progress and now Peter is like "Hey, you have to take a blood test, homie!" 

What a blog so far.... "so much to say.... so little time..."

Anyways, The Sequel (Aliens R' Tuff) is going to be about amazing adventures in the land of make believe...because I was brainwashed as a child by Mr. Rogers ("Won't cha be my neighbor....")...

just kidding.

Aliens R' Tuff is a comedic work of genius... Ebert and Roper will play tug-o-war and give it three thumbs up. 

Anyhow... The third installment (Aliens'R Us) is about how we need to take a look at our past to realize our present is attainable with the future...

And, the Fourth installment....blah blah blah

Gonna take a break from this Web Series till I make some cash...the manual labor way.

"cuz i isn't know you."
 - treefixationportolio
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