Just like the Eskimo need many words to describe different kinds of snow, it is useful for the modern self-pleasurer to have many words to describe the sin of Onan.
Roosterbate: masturbation for the purpose of waking up, or greeting the day.
Reminiscibate : memory based masturbation
Pragmatibate: masturbation to rid yourself of a tenacious turgidity, often employed on long distance bus trips
Procrastibate : masturbation for the purpose of putting off more useful activities.
Emobate : An incomplete masturbation due to self loathing
Jurassibate : masturbation to dinosaur related material
Karassibate : group masturbation with fellow readers of Kurt Vonnegut
Debatobate : weighing the pros and cons of whether or not to masturbate
NoBassibate : self-pleasure resorted to when fish aren't biting
Lastibate : the last time you masturbate (theoretical)