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Additional Credits:
Don Cheadle, Zach Galifianakis, Bill O'Riley, Ryan Seacrest, Peter Griffen, Stewie Griffen, The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, The Gargoyles, Wayne Brady, Scorpion, The Kool Aid Man, Ferdinand, Luisio, Quagmire, Thomas The Tank Engine, Ruthie The Singing Dildo, Jonathan Miles Berkland
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Published February 27, 2013

"I'm gettin ready to cum on every under age girl on the market!" Cartoon Bill O'Riley said to his friend Ferdinand as he walked to his Pinto, the door squeaking as he got in. "Si. Si. You should train them to swallow rubber dildos up their keisters, and then allow gophers to go inside. Heh, Gophers....I love Gophers." *Flash forward an hour into the future* "It's Groundhog Day!" Bill said as he poked his head up from in between the young girl's thighs. "Eeeek!" she screamed as she ran into the bathroom and locked the door. Ryan Seacrest's head popped up from the toilet. "Where ya goin, groin cakes?!" "Eeeek!" she screamed again as she bolted out of the door and down the hallway. She ran to the end of the overwhelmingly lengthy hallway to the last door at the end of the corridor and swung open the door. Peter Griffen was lying on the bed, buttering up his belly with melted butter, eating grapes. "So Meg does have cute friends after all" he said before licking his tongue with a long, green tongue. "Looks like somebody needs a Shiny George Washington!" She tossed a hankerchief escape line out of the window of the next room and hurried down it. Stewie was trembling in the front yard with his backpack on, packed, and ready to go. "What in God's name is a Shiny George Washington?!" He said wide-eyed and still trembling. They ran together three blocks over to Rosie O' Donnell's house, where she was inside basting a turkey with a dildo, and dildoing herself with a turkey baster. "Good riddance man! Have these people no shame?!" Quagmire scurried out her back door, then out of the back door (of her home this time), gave them a wink, and was off down and along the sidewalk with one last "Keep it on the low, now, keep it on the low." They ran three houses down and peered in the window. The Kool Aid Man was butt-fucking the real life Wayne Brady. "Alright this ones kind of good" Stewie said as hepulled out two lawn chairs and a table, as the two of them dined on crumpets, tea, and lemonade and watched The Kool Aid Man finish him off with a donkey punch. "Uuoooohhh yeah! That last muscle spasm, my favorite part! Don't call me, Bitch!" He slammed the door, hit the unlock button on his wireless keychain, hopped in his hummer (black with neon green and pink racing stripes) and sped off. "Fucking innocence lost, man!" Stewie said to his new female companion, his eyes a little less wide than his inquisition about The Shiny George Washington. The two ran inside and helped Wayne Brady to his feet. "I'm all...swollen inside. He fuckin DONKEY PUNCHED me, man!!" He said as a single tear streamed down his face. *The camera zooms in on the tear, inside of the tear is a shiny quarter with George Washington's face laughing hysterically* "Yeah, yeah, thats great and all, but its Pedophile City three blocks over man!" Stewie said. "Pedophile City, huh?!" Wayne Brady said proudly as he tore off his clothes, revealing a Superman outfit and a super buff body. "To the skies!" he tried toshout, his voice cracking horribly.....Let's try this again.....TO THE SKIES!" He shouted with a Godlike echo. The two of them hopped onto Wayne Brady's back and he flew them through the skies where they were joined by the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and The Gargoyles. The team touched down and sprang into action, juno chopping and karate kicking the houseful of pedos through walls and Pedophile City banners and billboards. Quagmire scurried in throug the back door (the third backdoor within five minutes) asking the fellow pedos "Did I miss anything?!!" Rafael kicked Peter through a wall and a Gargoyle uppercut Bill O' Riley through the ceiling. *Time slow mode kicks in* *The Mortal Kombat "Whoopsies" man moved across the screen at an all-time slow speed, spamming "Whoopsies" messages over-and-over-and-over as he moved from one side of the screen to the other, super extra slow* Scorpion hit Ferdinand and Luisio with his "Get over here" move and kicked them both through a window. "N-n-n-n-n-o-o-o-o" they shouted as their bodies flew through the air in slo-mo. Quagmire's eyes shifted from corner to corner. He through a book titled "The Good Way Of The Peaceful Pedo" into the air for all to see, grabbed a 12 gauge from his back holster, and started shattering the gargoyles. "B-B-B-B-BLACK POWER!" Wayne Brady shouted, his echo effect working once again as he charged Quagmire in slo-mo. Quagmire cocked-back and put the 12 gauge to Leonardo's head. *Zoom-in on his finger beginning to squeeze the trigger* Just at that moment Captain Planet (The Don Cheadle Version) kicked in the front door, exclaimed "BLACK POWER INDEED" and used his tree bolt on Quagmire, turning him into a fern. He did the same to Bill O'Riley. Zach Galifianakis, dressed as a ninja, cart-wheeled and back-flipped into the room, and kicked another pedophile in between the two tress Captain Planet just sprouted with his bolt power. "Between two ferns, bitch!" "Good work, men!" Captain Planet exclaimed. "Good work indeed!" The team shouted together, their fists to their waists, their chests buff and filled with pride. The good guys took all the pedo trees and placed them in the basement. Captain Planet felt sympathy for them, so he gave them their eyes back. "Welcome to my 12 step program, ladies and gents! Tonight you watch Thomas The Tank Engine *echo effect* B-B-B-BUTFUCKED by tonight's Feature Presentation, Ruthie The Singing Dildo, while the real superheroes enjoy an orgy in the name of World Peace. There will be butt creams, extra super hairy vaginas, and titty fuck noises. *Thomas The Tank Engine and Ruthie The Singing Dildo enter the room* "Your eyes are peeled, now FEEL MY WRATH!" Captain Planet begins to laugh hysterically with his arms in a superman pose. The image spins and the camera fades out.

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