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159Funny
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2,631
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April 05, 2016
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Did you know there's a fucking pool table under all this goddamn bullshit?

Well fuck me…

So get a load of this … I traipse my fat ass down to the basement, to grab a can of Miller Light from the mini fridge when BAM! I stub my goddamn toe on the goddamn family trash pile in the goddamn center of the goddamn room.

I shout, “Sonnovabitch” as I hop around holding my foot with one hand, while trying not to spill one precious drop from the Miller Light can in the other. Then I see it: a piece of finished wood catches my eye.

I compose myself and pull the colossal wedgie I got going on out of my shit shoot, then throw some shirts and other shit out of the way. I then move a pile of old Modern Hunter mags, you know the ones … an HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE, it looks like some sort of goddamn table.

I take a giant chug of beer and gargle it, before I continue my excavation. I toss aside my kids childhood stuffed animals like they’re the bodies of my enemies before I manage to pry an old ratty surfboard off the heap. I stand there deep in thought, downing the rest of my beer then crush the can on my head when it hits me like a ton of fucking bricks.

I own a fucking pool table.

I shout upstairs, “Hey, did anybody know we have a fucking pool table buried under all this bullshit?” Nobody answers … I feel so alone. I shout again, Hey, goddamn you, I’m talking here!“ Nothing. I rub my foot again when I remember, hey I bought this fucking thing 25 years ago. Wow, am I dumb.

I’m like some kinda fucking household archaeologist Sherlock Holmes fuckface over here. How about that. Oh, I’ll do something with this for sure … maybe have Stan or Marty come over and we make a night of it. I gotta think about this.Hmmm, I need another beer.

A fucking pool table, well how the fuck do ya like that?

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