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Published August 09, 2010 More Info »
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Published August 09, 2010
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On Doctors

  

Doctors, MD’s, Old Sawbones, Quacks, or Mr. Scary as you may prefer to call them.  Strict rules apply when dealing with inflated characters of this ilk.  Your goal is to achieve terms of equality.  Unlike war there is not book of rules outlining proper conduct on both sides of the patient/doctor fence.  You must use this to your advantage.  Pull the ball of power and control early into your court.  Let terror and counterattack be your allies not his.  This is especially critical when dealing with surgeons.  Contrary to popular belief this breed tend to be mammals with smaller than average skulls, thus brains.  How else could they focus on such mundane matters such as cutting up meaty flesh and then sewing it back together.  Think of your local butcher.  Is he an Einstein?  Like with your butcher you want to be the one in charge so they don’t short change the rump roast. 

You should know that when confronting the specimen know as medical doctor – you are encountering amateur sadists.  Your hope lies in proving to him before the possible infliction of sadistic pain that you have a long track record of being a professional sadist.  These ones only respect brute force.  You must outclass him.

On your final consultation before surgery go to the appointment with one of those flex-hand squeezers that make your grip stronger.   Then casually work into the conversation about your last trip to Indo-China where you were forced to strangled to death nine prison guards before secretly liberated some fellow green berets who had been inconvenienced with a extended captivity.  Be sure to add that times are so tough now in Indo-China that you believe at least two of the guards had once been highly educated men.  As you are lying on the table you do not want the old muscle head to think you have any bias to your compulsions.  Once on the table stretch out your arm a little and squeeze the old grip.  Let him know he will be in range if begins causing a little too much pain or discomfort.   

If you have no other option then to go under complete anesthesia thus causing unconsciousness during the procedure then show your membership card to the dear doctor to the International Guild of Slightly disturbed Snipers.  Give your best deranged Jack Nicolson grin as you stare mindlessly toward every window you pass while be wheeled to the surgery room.

 

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