Well, it seems I’ve already caused a bit of a stir this week when I said that I supported Paraguay’s decision to deny an abortion to a 10-year-old who was allegedly raped by her stepfather. And despite how upset some of you are, I’m sticking to my guns: taking the life of an innocent, unborn child does not solve the problem of this admittedly horrible crime.

Of course, if this had happened in America, I would have no problem whatsoever with this unborn child being killed via capital punishment in 20 or 30 years when he inevitably ended up on Death Row after leading probably just the worst life imaginable.

Yep, transplant this exact same scenario from Paraguay to the good ol’ U-S-of-A, and I can see exactly how it would all unfold: After this kid’s mother was raped when she herself was no more than a child, he would live with that terrible knowledge for his whole (probably short, probably tragic) life. And you’d have to think that being raised by a single, extremely young, utterly traumatized young rape victim in what one would assume would have to be abject poverty would almost definitely put this kid down a path to drugs and crime, and possibly even Death Row. At which point, I’m all for the state legally killing him. Heck, I’ll even push the lethal injection button myself! Remember when I said even just drug dealers should get the Death Penalty? I love this stuff!

And if he’s violently killed somehow before he ends up on Death Row, I guess I’m fine with that, too. Or if he dies from some preventable or treatable disease because he can’t get access to affordable health care—that’s also super.

Just so long as he’s not aborted first.

And of course you know I’m opposed to any kind of outreach or welfare or education programs of any kind (sorry, but that’s socialism!), so no help there for this child I heroically saved from abortion—to that end, things couldn’t be more stacked against him. And really, after struggling against overwhelming, insurmountable odds and having his very existence constantly remind his own mother of her horrific rape at the hands of another family member, could you really blame this kid for turning to crime? Maybe you can’t, but I’m gonna blame the hell out him.

He should’ve pulled himself up by his bootstraps after not getting aborted!

Look, I know this might be kind of confusing, and maybe I’m not explaining myself well enough. What I’m trying to say is simply this: as a deeply Christian man, I respect and honor the sanctity of life. Until after someone is born, that is—then, like most conservatives, I’m against anyone helping or supporting that person in any way, especially if it involves government spending.

But the prison industrial complex that ruins and destroys actual, already-born people’s lives on a daily basis and that has no infrastructure in place to rehabilitate them? Now that’s the kind of government spending I can get behind! And all the better if it’s an execution we’re talking about—that costs more taxpayer money in appeals alone than it would to send this kid we’re talking about to college about seven times over!

Look, the bottom line is, if you’re not a fetus, you can drive off a fucking cliff for all I care.

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