Zack Snyder just released the first image of Batman from the upcoming sequel to 'Man of Steel,' and oh boy is there a lot to dissect.


The first thing you should notice about this new Batsuit is the bat logo on his chest. Hard to make out clearly, but one thing’s for sure: it’s badass. We’ve bypassed the fear of Schumacher-esque nipples, which is key. Always a danger when it comes to the Dark Knight’s suit. It seems to be veiny, but we’ll give it the benefit of the doubt (though let’s face it, anything nipple-less is cause for celebration).


The ears are significantly smaller and stubbier than recent incarnations. It’s a subtle nod to the early, Adam West-era portrayals, and I’m okay with that.


Here is Batman’s long, black penis. If this is to scale, it’s currently clocking in at a baker’s dozen. It appears to have a bright sheen on the top, which makes you think that either Batman is standing under some heavy lights, or it’s wet. Having a big, wet, black dick would add an interesting twist to Zack Snyder’s vision, but let’s not jump to conclusions just yet. As it is, it’s just a magnificent, possibly wet, black penis with nowhere to hide.


Check out the new Batmobile. It’s something, alright. But look closely: you can see the outline of the matte, rubber tires that will be outfitted on Batman's new tumbler vehicle. If you look to the right of the 13 inches of black penis you can see some of the tire tread as well.


Let’s zoom out a bit and check out the surroundings. We’re not sure what we’re looking at here, and we don’t want to read into things too much… but to the left of the throbbing, wet, black cock Batman has to lug around Gotham, there appears to be something ominous. The Joker? Superman? Not sure. It’s possible it’s nothing: just a compartment for Batman to keep his long, hard, black penis cool on those hot rides in the Batmobile.


In case you missed it earlier, this is by far the most impressive photo of Batman’s penis we have ever seen.


Holy jesus, look at this thing. I think it may be Henry Cavill in a BatPenis suit.


It’s just so smooth. And long. The Dark Knight Rises: Part 2.