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July 24, 2010

If you're ever partially demolished in an American-Chinese Fireworks Store.

Frankie Chow, the Chinese proprietor, is running the store called "America Happy Blows Sunshine Joy Joy," The display for the fireworks is made in China and says "This is America!  Blow yourself up a good time!" The Chinese fireworks are expertly-made by six-year-old $1.27 a day fireworks "technicians."  Mr. Chow is giving instructions for the safe use of massive fireworks used by the demolition industry to bring down old Vegas casinos. His professional advice: "Light fuse. Get in car. Drive away quick quick!"

The Joy Happy Boom fireworks are clearly marked with safety instructions for the novice: "These might kill you."

Chinese fire extinguisher. EMS truck made in China. All the medical gear on the truck made in China. Chinese wheel chair and gurney. Chinese medical instruments. Chinese doctor or doctors. They all have Chinese fireworks in their Korean car trunks for when they get home. Chinese drugs made from Chinese cows, fertilizer, banned, but, still perfectly-safe Walmart lead trinkets, recycled tampons and peanut butter. Chinese pen to write on Chinese paper tablet what time you died. Chinese clock. Chinese mortician.

Chinese musicians at Mass playing Buddha knows what. Polish funeral director running funeral home on Chinese money. Tibetan monk who happens to speak English (sort of) filling in for priest who was arrested that morning.  Keeps mentioning Buddha. He had to be corrected when he said that the Caspar that was on his DVR  at home was the Holy Ghost.

Chinese food that everyone agreed was ?? served after Buddah/Jesus Whatever Mass.

Chinese chemicals to embalm body. Chinese casket. Chinese proprietor running a Catholic cemetery. Chinese flowers from Chinese-run shop. Chinese headstone. Pass through Chinese-made faux-marble pearly gates made from Chinese fertilizer, powdered milk, and the sparkly stuff from Christmas trees.

And, oh, yeah, once you get past the gates of heaven on your Chinese golf cart, you'll see thousands of Muslim virgins running around. Cause you see, sex isn't allowed in heaven.
Muhammad: "Okay, my bad. Just go to the new Peking All Dogs Go to Heaven All-You-Can-Eat Buffet.  My treat. And don't forget to get a doggie bag to take home. Just tell them Muhammad sent you."