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5Funny
3Die
266
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May 16, 2017
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Gregory must interview himself and obtain secrets from a parallel dimension.

His eyes adjusted to the intense brightness as the bag was ripped off his face.

FBI AGENT: Gregory, we’re sorry for startling you, but this is a matter of grave importance.

GREGORY: Yeah the “bag over the head to a secret base trick" isn’t that innovative.

FBI AGENT: For an unexplained reason we’ve gained extremely limited access to a dimension bordering ours. Scientists have been able to sustain a portal opening to it with a magnetic field, but it’ll only be open for five minutes. Maximum.

GREGORY: Okay?

FBI AGENT: We are making brief, spotty contact with another human on the other side, you.

GREGORY: Me?

FBI AGENT: Not you, but Gregory from a parallel dimension. A dimension where Hillary Clinton won the 2016 Presidential election.

GREGORY: Holy shit.

FBI AGENT: Holy shit indeed. Behind this door is the opening. We’ve positioned a small table and microphone so you can talk to yourself. Our attempts to communicate with him aren’t working. We believe your voice will resonate a stronger signal to him.

GREGORY: This isn’t one of those mirror tricks is it?

FBI AGENT: No! Gregory listen, this is a brief chance to hear the strategies and successes the world made under a Clinton administration. What we’re doing…this operation is in secret and denounced by our Drumpf held White House. This conversation is vital, you must ask the questions we provide on the intercom. You and yourself are the only bridges we have in finding the answers to a mistake we can undo in our own world…the fate of our way of life rests on you talking to yourself.

GREGORY: Neat.

FBI AGENT: Get in there son.

(door slams)

GREGORY: Woah.

OTHER GREGORY: Woah yourself.

GREGORY: Dude, you don’t look any different.

OG: Dude, you got dark rings under your eyes.

GREGORY: Yeah I just got kidnapped from my apartment!

OG: Same!

GREGORY: But you don’t have Drumpf as President.

OG: Ahh, not same.

GREGORY: Ooo, good one.

(AGENT ON INTERCOM): BRRZZT. Gregory, we’re going to need you to ask yourself about the state of the union.

GREGORY: Can you hear him?

OG: Nah, I can only hear you.

GREGORY: Woah. Weird dimension shit.

OG: Can you hear my guy? (whispers) He’s pissed at me.

GREGORY: My guy too. I mean Drumpf sucks people just need to relax.

OG: Yeah they need to get over it and move on.

(INTERCOM): Gregory!

GREGORY: Shit, sorry! Gregory, how’s the state of the union?

OG: Pretty okay. We’re definitely in a proxy war with Russia, but minorities are happy.

GREGORY: That sounds nice.

OG: What about you?

GREGORY: We’re pretty fucked. And by everyone, I mean all of humanity.

OG: I’d imagine.

GREGORY: What was the night of the election like?

(INTERCOM): Gregory, we need to know what departments of government President Clinton salvaged.

OG: Oh it was a party! On the coasts at least. You know Jacqueline Montez, right?

GREGORY: Yeah she was so devastated when Drumpf gave his victory speech.

OG: Oh dude, you should have seen her on this end, she was amped! When they announced Hillary won we all danced and drank a shit ton of that champagne Ike bought. (whispering) We also ended up doing it.

GREGORY: Shut. The. Fuck. Up.

OG: She said that!

(INTERCOM): THE WINDOW IS CLOSING!

GREGORY: I can’t believe I had sex with her.

OG: Same!

GREGORY: What was it like?

OG: It was very pleasant. She’s also an amazing cook. We made breakfast burritos in the morning.

GREGORY: That sounds really nice.

(INTERCOM): We’re losing connection! God please no!

OG: We’re actually dating now man, I’ve never been happier.

GREGORY: Can’t help but feel you got the better reality.

OG: Oh shit, it’s getting staticky. Can you hear me now? Can you hear me now?

GREGORY: Good! (winks)

OTHER GREGORY: Ha! You dog. Good luck with your situation man!

GREGORY: Congrats to you both!

(portal closes)

GREGORY: I like that guy…wait what was the question?

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