Click! Click! Click! Oops. Sorry. You caught me, Donny, anon-sentient United States military unmanned fixed wing aerial vehicle in themiddle of my staycation, killing time and taking photos of harmlesstouristy-type targets on the ground in the middle east or maybe I’m killinginnocent civilians while blowing up buildings. I don’t really know. Who can keeptrack? It all gets mixed up like little human body parts after a Hellfiremissile lands on target in the center of a crowded Middle Eastern elementaryschool playground.
I am here, flying around in the atmosphere 30,000 feet abovethe Middle East, waiting to meet my next interview subject, the phrase “The Waron Terror”. You see, in addition toaltruistically sharing missiles packed with red, white, and blue explosiveflavored freedom, I moonlight as a blogger earning some extra income fromadvertising by conducting and publishing celebrity style interviews withthings, inanimate objects, words and phrases on the web.
At this point you might be wondering how a non-sentient,missile launching, United States military fixed wing aerial drone can interviewinanimate things, phrases, words and the body parts of geopolitically important humans. If that’s the only question bouncing aroundinside your skull as you read these artisan sentences, hand crafted by the sameunmanned drone, you may want to consult with a psychologist who specializes inthe reality modality.
I see the phrase “The War on Terror” waiting by the cirruscloud bank one thousand feet over to my left. Let’s zip over there to start the interview.
Donny the Drone (cordially): Hello “War onTerror.”
The War on Terror (nervously): Hi. My people confirmed withyour people we would conduct this interview within the boundaries of ShariaLaw. Does that sound about right?
Donny the Drone: No problem. How are you?
The War on Terror: Scared Shitless!
Donny the Drone: Why?
The War on Terror (hysterically): ISIS is coming! ISIL is coming! ISIS is coming! ISIL is coming. ISIS is…” (Frustrated) “Why won’t they stickwith one name?”
Donny the Drone: Calm down. Take three long, slow, deepbreaths.
The War on Terror (dismayed): Look, ISIS warriors havestapled themselves to the exterior roof of the 747 airplane flying at anelevation of 30,000 feet right towards this cloud. Can we move this meeting to the dark side ofthe moon?
Donny the Drone: Sure. Hop onto my dorsal(top) side and hang on!
The War on Terror (relieved): Thank you.
Donny the Drone (now on the dark side of themoon): Ok, we safely made it here to the dark side of the moon. Better?
The War on Terror: For now. Holy crap, I can see throughyour satellite camera that ISIS members magically shape shifted themselves intoEbola infected nine, ten, eleven and twelve year old Central American childrenpoised to invade the United States from Mexico!
Donny the Drone: Don’t worry. Former Texas Governor Rick Perry, while under indictment for abuse of power, just sent allthe armed white people in Texas to the United States - Mexico border to repelthose invading Ebola infested children.
The War on Terror (sarcastically): That’s comforting. (Continues with growingalarm) Look upthere. ISIS struck a “rent with theoption to buy” deal on the International Space Station and is maneuvering ittowards our spot on the dark side of the moon. Oh my goodness! What are we goingto do?
Donny the Drone: Let’s relocate this interviewto the planet Jupiter.
The War on Terror: Can’t get there soon enough.
Donny the Drone, carrying the War on Terror, lands onEurope, of Jupiter’s moons.
Donny the Drone: I doubt ISIS will follow ushere.
The War on Terror (skeptically): I don’t know. They are wellfunded. Look. I can see through your satellite camera thatsome of them are attempting to sneak down the New York State Thruway from theCanadian border.
Donny the Drone (fearlessly): Don’t worry. NewYork State Governor Andrew Cuomo will illegally throw the MorelandAnti-Corruption commission1 at ISIS to stop them cold.
The War on Terror (confused): Stop who? The MorelandAnti-Corruption Commission or ISIS?
Donny the Drone: Both!
The War on Terror (dread): Oh no!!! I see ISIS approaching Europa in a nextgeneration space vessel they bought on eBay.
Donny the Drone: Ok. Get on my back. We’ll fly to Pluto. I doubt ISIS will follow us all the way there.
The War on Terror (aghast): Maybe not but some ISIS membersare trying to sneak onto the George Washington Bridge from New Jersey!
Donny the Drone: Don’t worry. New Jersey Governor Chris Christie closed allthe bridge access lanes to ISIS and everyone else.
The War on Terror (In a post coital state ofrelaxation):Whew. Christie fights forthe people! How does my hair look?
Donny the Drone: How does your hairlook??? Are you freaking nuts? We’re jetting to Pluto. Who gives a crap?
The War on Terror (freaked out): AAAHHH! Look! ISIS dashed past us and landed on Plutofirst.
Donny the Drone: I’m beat and almost out offuel. Let’s jump on that passing Asteroid shuttle headed directly back towardsEarth.
The War of Terror (Surprised & Disheartened): An AlQaeda pilot is flying this asteroid space vessel! He says Al Qaeda won the right to operate afleet of asteroid shuttles in the Milky Way Galaxy through a no bid contractwith the Cheney administration.
Donny the Drone: No problem. I prepaid for theAl Qaeda Asteroid shuttle tickets using Apple Pay lastweek.
Al Qaeda Asteroid Pilot & Steward (warmly): Welcome toAl Qaeda Inter Galactic Air. Can I scanyour asteroid tickets please?
Donny the Drone: Let’s grab those seatstowards the back between the bathrooms and the food court to settle down andreally start the interview.
The War on Terror: Can I get the window seat?
Donny the Drone: Sure. How do you feel nowthat we are comfortably settled in on the luxurious Al Qaeda piloted asteroidshuttle?
The War on Terror: Richer!
Donny the Drone: Richer? Why richer?
The War on Terror: Every time I scream hysterically about ISIS to your audience, the value of my War on Terror Wall Street stock fundincreases 5%.
Donny the Drone: That’s brilliant. Which companies’ stocks are in the War onTerror stock fund?
You can read the complete heart to heart conversation between Donny and the War on Terror in the book “President Terror” byJohn M. Busher available on ITunes, Kindle via Smashwords, and Barnesandnoble.com. They discuss the Cheney Administration,Neoconmen, Muslim No Go Zones, the TPP (Trans Pacific Partnership) and The Waron Terror’s own forthcoming 2016 United States Presidential Election Campaignwith its rumored running mate, the phrase “Representation withoutTaxation”. The United StatesConstitution and the Bill of Rights both make a special guest appearance.