Finally, it’s here. The most wildcard week of The Bachelorette epoch, Hometowns. The main question being answered this week: Will Jojo learn which deep-rooted problems caused each of them to go on a nationally-televised reality dating show?
Hometown Date #1 w/ Chase in Highlands Ranch, CO
Chase meets Jojo at a mountain lookout point and it’s fucking gorgeous.
Chase describes to Jojo how he’s from a “broken home” due to his parents being divorced. Jojo asks if the divorce was bad. Chase says yes, “like, lawsuits, and to watch my mom suffer and hurt, it was just painful.”
They discuss how this has made Chase put up walls as far as relationships. He’s now my number 1 *OF WHAT’S LEFT*. Jojo is also super into how he’s opening up.
They go to Chase’s house to meet his Dad who asks if they’ve spent a lot of time together. Chase tells him, “the time we do spend together is just out of this world.”
Chase then presses his father to explain what he fucked up in his first marriage for Jojo. Chase: “I’ve just had a hard time understanding why it hasn’t– why– why it didn’t– not– your first marriage work out?” Chase’s Dad blames it on his competitive climb up the corporate ladder.
Chase asks Jojo to leave the room but first makes out w/ her in front of his Dad.
Chase and Jojo then visit the broken home of Chase’s Mom. They greet the family including a baby with an ironic mustache pacifier. They call the baby Bobblehead.
Jojo sits down with Chase’s Mom and Jojo grills her about how Chase has been slow to open up.
Chase’s Mom: “When kids go through a divorce, maybe they shy away from being in a serious relationship and getting married… He’s done a great job of evolving and being happy.”
Jojo and Chase’s Mom then tell each other they can tell the other knows how to have fun. They’re gonna make out.
Chase sits down with his sister. Chase’s Sister: “This is fun. Thank you for this experience.” BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL!!! WHAT BARRIERS WILL THE BACHELOR TAKE DOWN NEXT?!
Chase and his sister discuss “dropping that L-bomb” and how it’s more than a word to them specifically because of their broken home.
Chase’s Mom gives Chase a third grader’s book report of Jojo’s personality: “She’s darling, great laugh, loves dogs, hates fish, is fond of you, so she’s smart… You have been the most amazing son and you deserve the most amazing girl.” K, now I’m crying too. Chase’s Mom, Chase, and me.
Chase’s Mom: “And crying is not our style.” Chase: “What if [my future wife] is here tonight? I want her to be here tonight.”
Chase walks Jojo out. Chase: “I’m falling in love with you Jojo.” Yesssss everyone is so emotionally invested, heartbreak here we come.
Hometown Date #2: A-Ro-Bro in Chico, CA
Jojo is screaming while trying to film her intro sequence: “The deer! The deer! They’re flying! Oh my gosh!”
A-Ro-Bro: “I don’t know the last time I’ve been this excited about a girl, about seeing my family again, I mean all of it.” He looks like a chicken with his hair blowing up.
A-Ro-Bro takes Jojo by his old high school where he’s made them put up a love graphic on the sign for Jojo.
They “run into” A-Ro-Bro’s old JV Football coach who is teaching a P.E. class?
Jojo then meets all of A-Ro-Bro’s high school teachers?
They’re making out in the library. This is so creepy. A-Ro-Bro is living out his teenage fantasy. He says he never had a “serious” girlfriend in high school. I’m sensing a trend.
What room are they in with all these photos of A-Ro-Bro’s Bros??? A-Ro-Bro hasn’t let go of high school but high school hasn’t let go of him either.
Jojo: “After I saw those photos, I don’t know if he was such a hotshot.”
He hasn’t talked to Aaron the last year or two?? Is it because of Olivia Munn? I can’t look into this because I am terrified of spoilers but this is what I’m hearing.
A-Ro-Bro on discussing Aaron with his family: “It doesn’t need to be a topic.”
A-Ro-Bro about his family’s attitude towards Bach: “I was skeptical. They were skeptical.” Jojo’s confessional immediately after: “A part of me wonders if they’re going to be a little skeptical."THE WHOLE OF YOU SHOULD BE SURE THEY’RE GOING TO BE SKEPTICAL HE JUST TOLD YOU. A-Ro-Bro says his life has moved on from football but they’ve met his old football coaches, they’re sitting in his old football stadium, and there is a random football sitting in the foreground of each shot.
Jojo is nervous and tells A-Ro-Bro to feel her heart.
Jojo meets A-Ro-Bro’s Mom, Darla, his terrifying father, Ed, his funny bro, Luke, and Luke’s girlfriend Lindsay who looks like a child pageant star and has the biggest hair on the PLANET.
Everyone in this family looks exactly the same with the exact same hair including the mother. A-Ro-Bro: “My Mom likes to lovingly refer to me as the spicy child.”
A-Ro-Bro’s Mom: “He would threaten to run away, you know, kicked his teacher.” Was it one of the ones we met? Did he also kick them to get them to meet Jojo?
Jojo reflects on the two empty seats at the dinner table that should be filled with Aaron Rodgers and Olivia Munn. Yeah, and weren’t we promised a French bulldog named Carl Weathers???
Jojo sits down with Luke, the bro A-Ro-Bro described as hilarious, and he is not hilarious. A-Ro-Bro’s-Bro Luke: “We’re trusting that God brings things full circle… If you’re someone [A-Ro-Bro] loves, he’ll go to battle for you.”
A-Ro-Bro’s Bro asks if he’s ready to be engaged and A-Ro-Bro says “yeah.” A-Ro-Bro’s-Bro: “If this is the girl that’s gonna make [you happy], then dude, hell yeah!”
A-Ro-Bro’s-Dad is terrifying. He looks like an egg/cone.
A-Ro-Bro’s-Dad: “Our family’s in the media a lot… Fame can change you… [A-Ro-Bro’s] not gonna let that change him in any way.”
Jojo: “To know that everything that he is and the man that he has become, he’s done that kind of on his own. It just makes me really respect him so much more.” For the last two years. Jojo wants SO hard for A-Ro-Bro to be a self-made man.
I can’t get over how A-Ro-Bro’s-Mom has the same hairstyle as all the men in the family.
A-Ro-Bro’s Mom: “So, this could be your destiny.”
I WANT TO HEAR FROM BIG-HAIR LINDSAY. Ugh.
Jojo: “I think a part of me is still scared that if it’s you and I at the end of this, will you want it to be forever?”
A-Ro-Bro: “Don’t ever doubt this."A-Ro-Bro is frustrated Jojo still doesn’t trust him.
A-Ro-Bro’s confessional: “If I’m getting on a knee, it means I want to wake up every day and work at our relationship.”
Hometown Date #3: Robby in Jacksonville, FL
Robby meets Jojo in St. Augustine, FL. Jojo’s confessional: “Every day is a new surprise with him.” Why is Robby’s shirt unbuttoned almost all the way??
They go on a horse carriage ride to see some of the Florida sights.
Robby: “I’ve been excited for this day for a while. Ever since I told you I loved you in Uruguay.”
They discuss how Robby dumped his girlfriend of four years and then went on a reality TV show to find love three months later. Jojo: “I don’t want to like, fill a void for you.”
Robby: “I can promise you that [it’s not] with the love I have in you.”
Robby’s confessional: “It will never be a problem. And she just never has to worry about it… I don’t see anything that could possibly go wrong… I hope my family falls in love with her just like I did. Fingers crossed!”
Robby’s Mom seems shit-faced already the way she swings her arm when they walk in.
Jojo meets Robby’s Dad, Coach Hayes, who she’s supposed to call “Coach.”
Robby: “I’m really excited to see Jojo interact with my family because that’s attractive to me.”
Robby tries to sell how awesome their fireworks show in Uruguay was by describing how their eyes filled up with ashes.
Robby talking with his little brothers: “You know how much sleep I’ve gotten this week? Zero. And you know how many panic attacks I’ve gotten? A lot.”
Robby, in typical bro-talk, tells his brothers all about how he wants his fairytale ending.
Robby’s Mom with Jojo: “There’s always a chance that you’re going to get hurt. But if my son envisions you in his future? There’s no turning back.”
Robby’s Mom to Robby: “There is right now, um, an issue, a little bit, out in the world. Your ex’s roommate has made it look like you broke up to go on the show.”
Robby: “Alex? Why would she say that?” Mom: “We know that’s not true.” Robby: “Jojo has concerns about this and that could make her question my honesty. And that’s bullshit … If that’s gonna be the chink in the armor that doesn’t make this work, I’m going to be devastated.”
Robby’s Mom tries to comfort him.
Robby goes to discuss this with Jojo immediately. Robby: “Apparently out in the world there’s chatter. My past relationship. Um, apparently, um, people are saying that I’m not here for the right reasons. My ex-girlfriend’s roommate.” Jojo: “Saying what?” Robby: “I broke up with her and bolted.”
Jojo: “What would be the benefit of your ex’s roommate saying stuff if it’s not true?” Jojo has no conception of how gossip magazines work.
Jojo: “Did you break up with her when you found out you were coming on the show?” How could it possibly not be that? In a few months he broke up then applied and got onto the show?
Robby: “That’s not true by any means. My relationship with Hope, who is my ex, was over 9 months before it actually ended… It’s something that I didn’t have the capacity to end it when I should have because I thought changes were gonna made. I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt to see if we could make it work and it never happened. I ended it at the end of December. We had a blow-up fight and she slapped me.” Jojo: “And you guys haven’t talked since then?” Robby: “Haven’t talked since then. The relationship is over and I will never speak to her again. Period.” Jojo: “And what if it’s not?” Robby: “I think it’s a flash in the pan.”
Jojo: “It’s scary ‘cause I have no clue like, what I’m doing.” Robby: “That is probably the worst thing you could have said… You wouldn’t be human if you weren’t nervous.”
They make out and I guess the topic is resolved. Robby walks Jojo out under an umbrella and then ditches the umbrella in the yard.
Hometown Date #4 with Luke in Burnet, TX
Luke gives Jojo the tour of his hometown.
Luke drives Jojo to a mystery location. He says it’s up this dirt road which is a paved road.
Luke brings Jojo to a barbecue where he introduces Jojo to a hundred people. Jojo’s southern accent comes out a LOT more around this group.
Luke’s sister is super hot.
Luke: That barbecue “made my heart smile.”
Luke’s Gramps: “He can’t even boil water. Good luck. You’ll need it, Jojo.”
They leave for Luke’s second surprise, a bench further down in the field.
Luke: “I’m a big person that I like to picture things, like, in my mind. Like, daydream about things… this is a good daydream for me.” He does always have a very far-away look in his eyes…
Luke takes Jojo to his third surprise. He’s set up a candle path to a heart of flowers.
Luke: “My heart is yours. And my heart is out there for you. And it’s all of it.” Do you get it Jojo? Because the flowers are shaped like a heart? It’s symbolism, Jojo.
How can we mind-fuck with these dudes more? Let’s have the rose ceremony in an airplane hangar next to a private jet that will only take three of them to the next destination, leaving someone alone broken-hearted in LA. There’s mysterious music at this night meet-up.
A-Ro-Bro looks like JOHNNY BRAVO!!!
All four guys left look like the same person.
Lord Harrison greets Jojo who looks like a beautiful Disney Princess: “What are you going to do tonight? Do you have any idea?”
Jojo’s confessional: “I need to say goodbye to a guy that has really impacted my heart and my life and has made me look at relationships completely differently. Is this emotion telling me that I’m making a mistake? Or is it just me facing the reality of what’s about to happen?… This is the hardest decision I’ve had to make but I think I know what I have to do. And I think I have to say goodbye to Luke.” WHY WOULD THEY CUT IT LIKE THAT?!
Jojo’s about to hand out the first rose.
Luke: “Jojo can I talk to you for a sec?” They walk out. A-Ro-Bro: “Very interesting timing. Had a whole day to talk about things.”
Luke: “I’m in love with you. I didn’t get to tell you that the other night and it’s the only thing that’s been on my mind.” Jojo thanks him.
Jojo: “I am glad that you told me that.” Then she kisses him???
Jojo walks out into the runway cussing and then starts sobbing. “Oh fuck. Oh my God. I don’t know what to do. Of course it changes things but is it enough? I’ve been wanting him to say this for so long and I don’t know what to do right now. This is the hardest part of the whole thing. In my entire life of dating, I’ve never met one guy, let alone four, that makes me feel this good and this happy. But who’s gonna be the best husband for me? Who’s gonna be the best life partner? I don’t know that answer. I feel like, out of control right now. It feels like I can’t even like, control my emotions.”
Jojo: “What if I make a mistake? That scares me. I don’t know. I don’t know. I feel sick to my stomach. My God. What do I do?”
We end the episode on Jojo sobbing uncontrollably squatting in the runway. I’m shocked Luke is her number 4. It’s probably because he’s not fun.
Are they giving Luke The Bachelor edit??? Is that what all this is? He’s too boring. It will be like Chris Soules all over again. All these guys are boring or dicks. Chase is the best of what’s left. But please, please, let the Bachelor be Wells. He is the hero Bachelor Nation deserves. He is adorable and charming and not a sociopath like all these douchenozzles.
Fantasy Suites AND Men Tell All are next week?! “How does Derek feel?” No one cares. CHAD ON THE OTHER HAND?? I want to know what he thinks about literally everything. VERY emotionally invested in Bachelor in Paradise already. Vile Nick Viall + Mad Chad = My one true love.