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January 06, 2015
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Sony Releasing New Walkman And It Costs A Lot

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Finally, SOMEONE has the balls to leverage ’90s nostalgiainto cold hard cash and that someone is none other than America’s sweetheart: SONY.

A few months after resurrecting the infamous “Walkman” name to release an iPod-sized audio player, Sony is now releasing the big fat (completely unnecessary to 99.9% of people) mother of all audio players: the Walkman NW-ZX2. It’s big (128GB), it’s bad (runs a two-year-old version of Android), and it costs $1,200!

The big sell for this big boy, and really the only reason it costs $1,200(!!!!), is that it can handle hi-resolution audio, meaning songs that sound better than CD quality. Now, I’m sure all you audiophiles out there are reading that and nodding your heads and say (out loud, naturally) “Yeah, I love and need my audio to be almost (maybe definitely) incomprehensibly better, but better nonetheless! And I’m willing to pay about $800 more for it.” And to that I say: To each his or her own. I spend money in all kinds of irresponsible ways, too! But to the rest of us that only require our audio player fit the Jimmy Eat World discography, nothing less nothing more, $1,200 is a ridiculous price for an MP3 player and it deserves some perspective.

Here’s a list of things you can buy for the same price as this new hi-res audio playin’ Walkman:

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Get three of the fancy new 128GB iPhone 6’s. Same number of gigs and you could have separate phones for your mom, your regular pot dealer, and your your pot dealer that only lets you buy in bulk.


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Or, if you’re really in the mood for incrementally higher quality for a considerably higher price, you can get 20 Sony Blu-ray players.


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But let’s face it: It’s all about the music. Get a whole bunch of it without directly paying the artist by spending the $1.2k on a 120-month subscription of Spotify Premium.


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Don’t act like you’re not addicted to the java bean. Screw Sony and make your next 685 Mondays better by spending the money on 685 medium cups of Starbucks coffee.


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Or do what I did and buy eight Boomer Esiason signed Football Pylons (that’s enough for two end zone’s worth!).

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