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7 Funny Votes
2 Die Votes
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Published July 10, 2014

As you may know, Lexcorp is one of the largest and most powerful conglomerate companies in the world, and to better understand what goes on inside of its walls, here’s a glimpse into the life of intern Jeremy Oswald.

  • 8:00 am- stop by coffee bean on the way to the compound and pick up mr Luthor’s favorite: large black coffee and a double shot espresso with three milks to the side (to be thrown away later).
  • 8:15- arrive at the compound and go through the security checkpoint. Derrick, the extra-handsy guard gives me a thorough pat-down.
  • 8:23- Meet up with Mr. Luthor in his office and receive a savage beating for being two minutes too early. Stupid! I knew I should have walked slower.
  • 8:30- cower in fear in the janitor’s closet and attempt to pull myself together. Come on, Jeremy, it’s just the Dartmouth fraternity days all over again.
  • 9:10- Begin making copies of weird looking blueprints titled “anti-superman weapon idea of the day” that have something to do with a funky looking green rock called “kryptonite”. Holy smokes! The machine is out of toner again!
  • 9:16- Go to the utility closet to get toner and accidentally stumble into a big hidden room behind a bunch of boxes, pretty cool!
  • 9:44- I got lost in that room behind the utility closet, all that was in there was a bunch of big, scary looking weapons, how boring! Anyway once I got out I reported to Mr Luthor for his morning head wax. I made sure to do it in counter- clockwise motions just like he likes!
  • 10:20- Receive new orders: Scrub Mr Luthor’s bathroom, if I do a good job, this could be my big ticket to a promotion! Head window washer here I come!
  • 11:05- After the bathroom is in tip-top shape Go back to Mr Luthor for further orders and see him frantically pacing back and forth in his office mumbling to himself under his breath something about superman. I turn a blind eye, I don’t wanna disrupt him while he works.
  • 12:25- Get lunch with Hank, the intern from accounts receiving.
  • 1:06- Get a phone call for Mr Luthor from a Mr “Black Manta”, something about a legion of doom emergency. Assuming it to be a prank call, I hang up.
  • 1:32- Get called into Mr Luthor’s office, and he has some really kind words for me! He says I “know too much” and “need to be taken care of”, how nice is that? So, too pretty beefy looking guys escort me to the holding cell i’m in right now typing this, awaiting what I assume to be the promotion of a lifetime. Boy, I can’t wait to tell my friends at Wayne Enterprises!
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