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July 03, 2011

Shia's said a few crazy things lately, so he just wants to set the record straight.

Hi guys. Shia Labeouf here. I know that I've been in the news a bit this week, but not just because of my new kick-ass movie "Transformers 3".

I know I've said a few controversial things lately, and I'd just like to clear the air about that. 

Okay, first, I told everybody that Megan Fox cheated on her eventual husband with me. 

I just need to clarify that...that was ABSOLUTELY true.

Yep. I pretty much porked that twenty-four seven. Because I'm awesome. Between takes, at lunch, during takes. Yeah. Megan Fox did me. In fact, the reason I took up smoking, was so I could smoke after we had sex. Which was all the time. I am the only guy in the world into "Transformers" that gets as much sex as I do. With Megan Fox. This simply is a story for the ages that cannot be topped. 

Next, I'd like to respond to what my Indiana Jones 4 co-star Harrison Ford said about me. He called me a "fucking idiot".

I would just like to say that is half true. He did get it half-right. The "fucking" part. 
Because yes, I am having sex constantly. While filming this movie, I boned Cate Blanchett almost every moment of the day. The reason they have yet to start filming an Indiana Jones 5 is because they know that no matter who plays the female lead, I will be sleeping with her so much so that it will cause delays in the production.

I last a long time, but I have somehow found that perfect balance that always leaves  you wanting more. Considering changing my name to Shia "In-The-Buff" because when I am on a film set I am naked 90% of that time. 

Did you see "Eagle Eye"? No? Well, I had sex with everybody in that movie. I "Eagle Eye"-d them. 

Did you see "Wall Street 2: Money Never Sleeps?" Let me just say that...when we were filming that movie, I DIDN'T SLEEP EITHER. But I sure used a lot of money. 

Want more? Well. They called that movie "Holes" for a reason. 

In closing, I would just like to say that if you ever come across a rumor that I've engaged in familiar relations with a hot young Hollywood starlet, or even just somebody normal like a craft services chick, assume it is true. Because it is. 

Everybody wants to Shia my Labeouf! ; ) 

Now go watch "Dark of the Moon", which was also my nickname for Megan Fox's behind!