Believe it or be forced to believe it, Donald Trump is telling everyone he watched New Jersey Muslims cheer on the 9/11 attacks and at the same time watched people jump from the Twin Towers. As horrible as that all sounds, it’s probably not true for many reasons, the main one being that Trump’s apartment he supposedly watched this from is four miles away from where the World Trade Center stood.

It is physically impossible for humans to see that far, but it isn’t an impossible feat for super humans. No, there is no way on Planet Earth that Donald Trump is Superman for the the indelible facts that Superman has handsome hair and he is a good guy. But what if, and stay with us here, Trump is Superman’s shitty estranged brother.

Yes. All signs point to this.

  • They have the same genetic make up that gives them supervision and also that booming deep voice.
  • As these situations tend to go, the good brother excels at being good, and the jealous shitty brother distances himself and plans to ruin the world from a golden tower branded with his own name.
  • Trump is a shitty person making him likely to be someone’s shitty brother. There’s no chance he’s a good brother, ya know.
  • He is for sure the shitty brother because if the good brother had seen this all happening, he would have saved those people!
  • Superman reportedly has a brother, who in the DC Comics universe has gone by a few different names: Lar Gand, Mon-El, Valor, Halk Kar, and M'Onel. These are obviously just names of different Trump luxury real estates around the world.

Best case scenario is that Superman realizes the only way to save humanity is to destroy his own brother, which will be hard for him to do but is ultimately what must be done. That’s classic “raise the stakes storytelling” right there for ya, folks.