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December 04, 2009

When’s the last time you heard of anyone catching AIDS? And remember Magic Johnson?

They can’t even find HIV in his system anymore. I think I saw him donating blood at the Red Cross last week.

For younger readers out there who might not be familiar, AIDS was a gay disease from the 1980’s that you could catch from sitting on dirty toilet bowls.

AIDS killed many regular gay people as well as many gay celebrities, including Rock Hudson, Elton John, and Pedro from the Real World: San Francisco.

By the 1990’s, AIDS had killed so many gay people that it was the basis for an HBO movie of the week called And The Band Kept Playing, which starred Steve Martin and Richard Gere as a gay couple who pretend to be straight so they don’t embarrass their straight son (played by a commanding Matthew Modine) when he invites his conservative girlfriend home for the holidays.

It’s a really funny movie. I think Robin Williams is in it, too. If you haven’t seen it already, make sure to Netflix it this weekend.

Anyway, in 1991, L.A. Lakers’ point guard -- and pussy magnet, Magic Johnson became the first straight man to catch AIDS.

Magic Johnson was determined to survive, so later that year he opened up his first Magic Johnson’s AIDS Research Facility on Crenshaw Blvd in Los Angeles, where he and his team of scientists quickly discovered a cure for the deadly, gay disease.

And that’s pretty much it. I think since then, AIDS has pretty much gone away -- so gay people, start fucking again -- and do it without any of those pesky condoms!

I also believe Magic Johnson and his team of scientists are currently working on a cure for cancer.