Published March 27, 2010 More Info »
2 Funny Votes
1 Die Votes
Published March 27, 2010
This blog is for any good story, great story or event--you win!, you have a baby!, you graduate!, you get laid!, whatever!, and however it ends, YOU ARE ON A BOAT!!!!

MY mug-shot, in Memphis, looks exactly like this one of Ozzy, also in Memphis, except mine is me, in in the mid-90s. 

 I didn't commit any violence, do anything to hurt anyone, but I did break the Law.  In having broken the Law, I was sentenced to 72 hrs in jail and 30 days of community service. I did my time on a top bunk in a dorm-like building on the main women's prison campus. I was naive, brought my Clinique face scrub, etc. My bunk neighbor showed me her "shank," she could stab me with, and the woman below me screamed if my blanket fell over the side. The bathroom didn't have doors, nor did the showers, and when they did my strip search in the bathroom, my neighbor (with the shank) was allowed to hang out and watch. The place, to me, was simmering with violence and I hardly left my bunk, trying to remain as still as possible.  When my time was done and I left, my lovely partner was waiting outside. I got in the snazzy little sports car, then closed my eyes and cried all the way--I thought we were going back to Ole Miss, but when the car stopped and I opened my eyes, we were at the Memphis landmark, The Peabody Hotel!

It's one of the best hotels in the US, and the first time I'd been anywhere near so extravagant.  It's famous for luxury, but also for the Peabody ducks, led into the lobby on a red carpet each morning to the fountain, where they swim all day, and then are led out on the red carpet in the evening.  All day they swim in the fountain while someone plays the piano and people lounge and have drinks in the plush atmosphere.

(highlight to read the words over the stealth bomber, which has to remain for security reasons!)

So I arrive here from jail.  I sniffled as I had a look at the ducks swimming, then up in our room I dried my eyes and took 2 bubble baths.  Starting to feel better, I dressed in my fresh clothes. Our room was awesome, and now I was ready and dressed in time for Sunday's Champagne brunch on the top floor.  Okay, now I"m feeling pretty damn good. We get up there, I start feeling like Tom Cruise in The Firm, and off I go on the mimosas.  Anybody ever tell me a drink is better than a mimosa, I nod politely then reach around you get that mimosa you're ignoring. When I see an orange, I think, mimosa!!  So now I'm on top of the city that took me down.  And then what do you know, I have caviar for the first time!  Holy hell did life suddenly get good.  And the table beside us ends up joining us, and all is lively, word that I just got sprung circles the nearby tables, (no biggie in a part of the south were every Sunday is like derby day) and it's celebratory, with champagne all over the place, bright, and then I discover Memphis once again is AWESOME.  Yay!!!!

And then after that, one time, I WAS ON A BOAT!!


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