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Published April 06, 2012

 

The Supreme Court Has Become a Strip Club

 


This week the Supreme Court allowed for searches of strip clubs. In a ruling that I applaud, the high court finally confirmed my constitutional rights to see women dancing in the buff - what's that? - it wasn't for searches of strip clubs?? What the fok! - you're saying they ruled on strip searches?? Arrrrrgh!!!!!

Seems that they did. Basically, in a 5-4 vote the Supreme Court ruled that if you are arrested for a minor - or for that matter - any, violation and you are going to be taken for a visit to prison - you can be stripped searched.

The case involved this fella that I will just refer to as Poor Bastard. Seems that this Poor Bastard was on his way to his parents house with his wife and young son. His wife was driving and Poor Bastard was in the passenger seat.

Apparently, Poor Bastard happen to have an unpaid fine - well - at least according to the computer records. Funny thing - the computer records were wrong and Poor Bastard, having been inconvenienced by this technical difficulty before, carried on his person documentation proving that the fine was indeed paid.

 
Well, the trooper didn't trust the paperwork and so Poor Bastard was cuffed and hauled off to jail.

As as was the case with all folks that are being admitted to a New Jersey jail, Poor Bastard was deloused (as well as de-spoused), was made to dis-robe and was strip searched. I think they were looking for the receipt for his supposedly paid fine.

Anyway - things did not get better for Poor Bastard. Six days passed and there was the law enforcement folks still had not corrected the records to reflect Poor Bastards payment of the fine. So, of course rather than releasing Poor Bastard, he was transferred to the largest correctional (or is that rectanal?) facilities in the State of New Jersey - where - in accordance with standard admittance procedures - was stripped searched again. 

Oh - the following day the State finally figured out that Poor Bastard had in fact paid his fine and he was released without charge from prison.

So - we got this fella just taking a drive to Mom's house with the family and all of sudden - WAMMO - he's being deloused, stripped searched (twice) and spending more than a week in prison. Ya can see why Poor Bastard wanted this issue fixed. So, he filed a law suit claiming that the strip searches he was require to endure were unconstitutional, his case eventually ending up at the Supreme Court. Would he find justice there??

The Supreme Court of the United State is commonly referred to by the acronym SCOTUS.. Since this case involves 9 folks determining whether or not our testicles and lady parts can be flipped through for traffic violations, I will refer to them collectively as SCROTUM (Supreme Court Rulers On Testicles, Underwear, and Mammories).  


On a 5 to 4 vote, SCROTUM ruled against Poor Bastard. What was the reasoning?

Well, Basically SCROTUM concluded that the strip search and other measures taken against Poor Bastard were reasonable because prisons have a right to ensure that those who entering their premises are bearing no diseases, no weapons and no contraband.

All I have to say no shit. I don't think any reasonable person who ever argue that, if you are taking someone into prison you have a right - in fact an obligation - to ensure that they are not bringing in contraband or weapons. But was that really the point of the case??

Not a legal scholar here - but I would argue not. The point of the case was - if you are accused of a MINOR offense, should be subject to delousing and strip searches. If the answer to that question is no - then you ought not be taken to foking prison in the first place.

Basically, what the ruling says is if you happen to be taken to a prison or jail that requires strip searches and delousing, regardless of  how minor you offense - you're fucked. Actually - you're not technically fucked - you're probed (talk about the long arm of the law).

The Fourth Amendment theoretically protects us all from unreasonable search and seizures - including those of our property,  our possession, our papers AND our persons. What SCROTUM basically concludes in this ruling is that the principle of the Fourth Amendment can be thrown is the waste basket if a Poor Bastard happens to be taken to a prison. Or to put it another way - SCROTUM (well, at least five of them) concluded that any prisons' entry standards trump any Poor Bastard's Fourth Amendment protections. I find that unreasonable.


This is the symbol of the Supreme Court of the United States:




After this weeks ruling, I think all Poor Bastards may think that the symbol should be changed to this:



 

 

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