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November 05, 2008


Hey White Racists,

How's it going?  Perhaps not well today.  We just elected an African American President!  I know that makes a lot of you angry, but look at the bright side: it makes a lot of us non-racists very happy!  Please find some joy in ours.

What I want to offer you today is a parenting tip.  I don't have children myself, but if I did, I'd make sure they weren't racists.  I guess you and I differ right there, white racists, but it brings me to my point.  I care about your children, believe it or not, and it's important for children to have respect for their parents.  Which is why I wanted to warn you that you're going to need to change your story now.  A lot of the racist stuff you might have taught your kids will be in stark contrast with the reality of the smart, level-headed, honest, peace-loving black man they'll see leading our country.  He's going to do an excellent job, and he'll have excellent people around him, some of whom might also have non-white skin.  Your kids will quickly begin to doubt your version of the story.  Then they'll question everything else you say.  Not the healthiest way to grow up, and I know you're concerned with healthy upbringings.

This is just a heads-up because I know that using your words isn't your strong suit, which is why your family has just been repeating your great-great-grandfather's words for some time.  You might want to start thinking today about how to spin this Obama story to have it make sense with your world-view.  I can't really help you there, but I'm sure you guys have someone smart you keep around for these kinds of things, right?  Scholars?  Spokesmen?  Any leaders at all who think and speak clearly enough to successfully convey your message to people outside your community in a way that doesn't make you look ignorant and unevolved?  No?  Huh.  Why do you think that might be?

Ask your kids.