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May 04, 2009
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As a fat kid in Maine, the one thing I always wanted more than anything in the world was a dog. But I was never able to have one because when I was a kid we lived in an apartment and our landlord didn't allow pets. Or at least that's what my dad wanted me to believe. As it turns out, our landlord didn't care if we had a dog or not. My dad was the one who wouldn't let us have a dog -- and it was just to spite me.

My dad secretly loved dogs and he always had them except for the years between when I was born and when I went to college. He had dogs as a child. He had dogs when he was a young entrepreneur. My older brothers had a dog when they were little. And now that I don't live with my dad, he and his internet wife have a dog. He just wouldn't get a dog when I was a kid because he knew I wanted it more than anything in the world.

And now that I'm a thirty-two year old man, I hate dogs. I can't stand them. I think they stink. I think they smell. I want to kick them when I see them. And the only thing that pisses me off more than dogs is when I see homeless people with dogs. Seriously, I have a question for all the homeless people out there with dogs reading this blog. You can't even take care of yourself and yet you feel you need the added responsibility of a pet? What the fuck is wrong with you??


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