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October 08, 2012

Brian writes monologue jokes every day. “This is one of those days,” to misquote Fred Durst. You can find more at http://brianunderstands.tumblr.com and tell him he’s a muffin on Twitter @BrianLisi. Thank you.

Thousands of workers at an iPhone 5 factory in China are protesting their working conditions. Apple has assured customers that a factory in neighboring Waterbury, Connecticut will be able to handle increased production.

The U.S. gave South Korea permission over the weekend to extend the range of its missiles to reach all of North Korea. South Korea is very excited, as it can finally take advantage of all those offers in its Spam folder.

Experts believe the recent meningitis outbreak was caused by a tainted batch of steroids used for treating pain. More bad news: No one knows how to cure irony.

A police officer shot and killed a naked unarmed student on the campus of the University of South Alabama. On the bright side, the student made it into the frat.

Regarding the fight between judges Nicki Minaj and Mariah Carey, "American Idol" said, “We love and support all of the judges and the fantastic work they are doing." Which sure sounds like a green flag, ay Nicki Minaj holding a knife?

Twenty-four-year-old Rob Wilson became the first male model on TV's "The Price is Right." "Guess no one cares about me anymore," said the Yodeling Guy, walking up his mountain one last time.

In an opinion piece for the New York Times, Kevin Baker argued that Republicans are intentionally ignoring cities. Republicans say the accusation is unfair, as they're simply ignoring the poor and minorities as usual.

For the first time ever, an Ethiopian man has won the Chicago Marathon. Unfortunately he still wasn't fast enough to catch "The Oogieloves" in theaters.

Gas prices in California reached a new all-time high on Sunday. Causing some officials to question how it was gas prices were ever prescribed a medicinal marijuana card in the first place.

Hulk Hogan's sex tape has reportedly been leaked to the Internet. Further proof that he is no Andre the Giant.

A report from Ohio State warns that the increasing number of coyotes entering cities may encourage larger carnivores to follow. And you all thought Ohio State was crazy when it said we need to kill the Road Runner before things get worse.