Do you know a “Facebook Narcissist?”
You know; a person who evidently sits at the goddamned computer all day and posts countless pictures of themselves. Send them a card to tell them, “You’re sick, you need to get a life.”
This person posts every photo of themselves taken going back years and years. You have to view these pictures if you look at Facebook. There they are in their high school play. There they are posing next to a celebrity at a comic book convention.
They are on vacation standing next to a tree. They are at the age of three sucking their thumb. There they are posing with family members at a cheap junk food restaurant. There they are watching a baseball game. There they are getting Leonard Nimoy to sign a book at a Star Trek Convention. There they are appearing on a game show Wheel of Fortune——not as a contestant——-sitting in the studio audience and smiling.
There they are in a photo that shows them as a baby in a crib.
You’re getting disgusted with this:
There they are posing with their mother. There they are (oh it’s not them) it’s a deer that wandered into their yard on the back lawn. There they are watching out their window a hailstorm. There they are on an airplane sleeping.
By now you’re saying to yourself “You mother (F word)!”
There they are in pajamas watching I Dream of Jeanie in 1967 on TV. There they are shaking hands with the actor Erik Estrada. There they are posing in their father’s army uniform. There they are cooking a meat loaf in their kitchen.
“You son of a…. (female pregnant dog)!” You say to yourself.
And the word descriptions, every thought, every little thing that happens, no matter how trivial, how inane, how piece of sh’t it is; they have to share with you on Facebook. For example:
“We’re having cherry pie tonight so I went to the store and got this pie (accompanied by photo). Or, I was on my way to the toilet and I thought,isn’t life interesting like when you go to the toilet, life is like a seat under which the necessities will flow and…………
“I’ll kill ya,’” you say out loud to yourself. If I could just get my hands on your throat……
Don’t do that. Instead, send that Facebook Narcissist a MemoryTag “You Disgust Me” card. You can use your smartphone to download a video message on the card.
In the card you can congratulate the person on their total small, petty nothingness, that if they had anything reasonably important to do in their life——they wouldn’t be doing this.
You can say, “I’m sick of you, you make me want to puke……nothing personal mind you.” Here’s what I want you to do, I want you to strip, bend over and take a photo of your rectal orifice—then post it on Facebook. God only knows that’s the only photo of you I haven’t yet seen.
By the way, the photo where you cropped yourself into a picture standing next to Brad Pitt in the movie Troy, just to show us what you’d look like if you were a star in the movies—-that was too much. I wanted to pee on my computer screen on your picture but I need it.
Don’t give me any more advice like how you landscaped your backyard because who cares I didn’t ask for it and I don’t want it, and you know what you can do with your landscaping shove it up your (rectal orifice). Remember where you posted you were thinking about making linguini for dinner and posted that…….I said Facebook will banish me if I threaten you physically but they do nothing to stop you from BORING ME TO DEATH!
Now I’m crying out loud to myself.
Don’t you see what you’re doing? You’re breaking me down with your boring Fu’.in posts. This is how prisoner of war guards break a prisoner down and get him to sign a confession to being a spy—-force him to look at your Facebook posts all day.
Stop! Cease! Or I shall be forced to lay hands upon you.
Instead, send a MemoryTag card that simply reads, “You’re full of (excrement)!”
MemoryTag is the card that says just about everything from happy birthday to get well cards, graduation cards, Mother’s and Father’s Day cards, sympathy cards, weddings, anniversary cards, funny cards, weird cards,Valentine’s Day cards, thank you cards, and cards that say things you’ve never heard before.