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January 16, 2009


I've gotten over 1200 emails today asking why my last post of the week is so late. Fact is, I was out getting crunk in the club last night. I don't really know what happened or where I went, but this is the last photograph of the night:

Yeah, that's some lady's lower vadge and thigh-piece in the frame. Her skirt was tulle and plaid and attached to a leotard that looked something like this:

There appears to be some utility belt around her body. I guess she's going to propel down Hipster Mountain directly in to the seventh layer of hell or something. I don't know. I really am clueless as to what this person was doing. Between her Villiage People-inspired DJ and her faux-interesting outfit I guess she had a neat little style put together... but all she did all night was sing-talk in to the microphone and occasionally scream at everyone in the room to shut the fuck up. Anyway, she looks like deep down her name is Heather and she has a really meaningfulish soul that's stiffled by her surroundings. She seems like a product of the environment she's attached herself to. That's pretty bold or whatever. Props to Heather, I guess.

Beside twelve dollar drinks, they also had bubbles! And stickers! This is my friend Alexis blowing bubbles.

I spent the majority of the night drinking straight vodka and trying not to look uncomfortable. At one point I remember touching the DJs face because he was playing Beyonce (my partytime fave) and he didn't get mad at me or anything. Then we went to Teddy's, where Alexis got a dude to buy her a gin and tonic which I drank half of. This was the part of the night where my attitude took a turn worse than Craig Manning on the third season of Degrassi: The Next Generation. Suddenly I needed to eat chili fries and then punch something. I learned a lesson about gin and me last night. If me learning lessons about myself isn't good enough for you then I don't know what anyone can offer you.

Man, I'm not sure what else to say. I want to make sure that I leave things really interesting here so that you all can look back at this time we spent together and be like "Fuck, man. Molls taught me so much." Let me tell you about some more awesome things you should check out and we'll leave it at that. I'm just going to give you all of my awesome:

1) On Janet Jackson's "The Velvet Rope" album, there is an interlude called "The Internet", because I only have it im mp4 format, I can't uplaod it to my mp3-only blog, but I can tell you that you need to get your hands on it and listen to what the Internet sounded like to Janet Jackson back in 1997ish.

2) Boner Party. It's one of the best blogs ever. Yes, out of fairness and vanity I feel I should mention that I was voted the Best Newcomer Boner of 2008 by readers of the site, but my love for them is exclusive of that fact. If you like hot babes and getting boners and talking about why hot babes give you boners, you will like this site.

3) Hipster Runoff. It's my other favorite blog. It's only for people who get it. If you don't get it, then you need to get a clue.

4) Remember the cat in the pink bear costume? Here's his brother dressed like a cow:

God, the sickest part of being a cow must be the HUGE, dangly, exposed nipples. Sick.

5) This T-Pain video is nuts. Highlights: the GOOOOOOOOOD dial and WISCANSON.

OK, so I think that's pretty much it. Don't forget about me. I love you.