11 Funny Votes
4 Die Votes
Published March 12, 2012

We have a new grocery manager at Publix. His name is Scott. He buys Icehouse twelve packs, the tall cans. The Grocery Manager position pays pretty well. It's not bad pay. He's still buying Icehouse.

On Scott's first day I saw him standing in front of the store smoking a cigarette, violating a company policy that prohibits Publix employees from smoking within 100 feet of the building. At another Publix the employees have to cross a busy street street to get 100 feet away from the building just to stand directly in front of someone else's establishment. If they enforced the law at our Publix we'd be smoking outside a Sushi restaurant.

I was excited to see that Scott was going to break the law just like the rest of us. He seemed care free. I felt like I could get along with him.

In his picture on the wall of grocery, Scott has a perfect set of white teeth. In real life, his teeth are dark and dingy, when he smiles children cry.  

Today I was working with the new kid Taylor on using a pallet jack to push an 8 foot pallet of boxes into the freezer.

Before Taylor came to help me I was trying to do it by myself. I was pushing and doing everything I could with my body to get the boxes into the freezer, but it kept getting stuck on the ramp. Why does the freezer have a ramp? Just let people into the freezer without any challenges. No need to set up an obstacle course.

If you want to get into a fight at Publix you can. But you have to clock out first. And I'm guessing you have to be 100 feet from the establishment. Imagine if I ever had to fight someone at Publix.

Hey bro you got a problem?! I'll be right back, I'm gonna clock out! But we have to do it over at the Sushi restaurant.  And my manager needs me to load a pallet of boxes into a freezer. We have obstacles to overcome if we want to fight. That's not even counting the ramp.

As I'm struggling to get the pallet of boxes inside the freezer, Scott walks by and says

"You gotta put it in sideways dude"

And keeps walking. I turned it sideways but still couldn't get it past the ramp myself. So Taylor helped.

Taylor was grabbing the pallet from the bottom to lift and pull, the pallet fell off the jack and sliced his finger open. He was bleeding a lot. We rushed upstairs to the sink and ran cold water over his hand. I gave him paper towels but it was cut pretty bad, and Taylor was in a lot of pain.

"I think I need stitches man"

He needed to go to the hospital, but I didn't have a car. I didn't know what else I could do, so I ran into the grocery floor and found Scott.

"Taylor cut his hand and he's bleeding a lot, can you take him to the hospital?"

Scott lifts his hands up and goes,

"I just got here"

And walks away.

Then he started complaining about the situation.

"Now I'm gonna be down a man!"

Hey kid, hope your mangled finger isn't gonna stop you from lifting more boxes. Now get back in the freezer and start loading ice. 

The security guard told me that word spreads fast around this store, and it does. He had a conversation with Scott on the patio outside that same day. Scott mentioned Taylor's cut finger, and announced that he just wants Taylor to,

"Stitch it up and get back to work"