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Texters= Victoria Crocker and Me
11 Funny Votes
1 Die Votes
122 Views
Published April 08, 2011

Victoria: Hey how are you?

Me: Hey love how’s it going?

Victoria: Ok I guess, what’ve you been up to?

Me: Working like a monkey in a factory, are you home?

Victoria: Lmfao, well you are nigga and all, J/P, naw I’m at my boo’s house, IDK shits been weird the past two days.

Me: Well thanks asshole, well just remember if I’m one you’re related to one too.

Me: Oh that sucks

Victoria: related to one too, but I’m retarded ha ha ha. Yea pretty much IDK what’s going on it’s like he being kind of distant with me I’m not sure.

Me: Oh, is that why you’re over there for a minute I thought you wrote I’m at my boss’s house. Then I thought Oh really, Vicky got a job, that’s insane. I didn’t think you were employable. Well why do you think that.

Victoria: Lmfao, yo fuck you, you’re an ass and yes I am at least I hope so and if not, that would probably be why I still don’t have one yet. IDK my B.F.F. Bill.

Me: But you are a pleasure to be around about 96% of the time.

Victoria: What about the other four percent fucker.

Me: Bill What the fuck, where’d you meet this guy at? Sounds like a cowboy or some shit, did you guys meet at a ranch or a rodeo but he introduced himself as Buffalo Bill. Oh yea the other four, eh give or take depends on you. You don’t like to be around people all the time do you?

Victoria: LMFAO, no stupid you know like, IDK my BFF Jill.

Me: Wait, your what?

Victoria: Well yea this is true I don’t like to be around people all the time.

Me: You said he, who the hells is Jill wait, is that your girlfriend I’m confused?

Victoria: BFF Jill you know the commercial Silly Willy, Lmfao your fucking stupid you know that right?

Me: What, what’d you say, No that’s stupid, who’s a Silly Willy? Yes I know I’m stupid.

Victoria: You’re a Silly Willy and no the fuck it’s not, you’re a fag.

Me: Don’t remember the commercial I’m just trying to understand your situation, you’re not stupid just that Silly Willy shit.

Victoria: LMFAO, yo fuck you cum bubble!

Me: Um cum bubble that’s very inappropriate, Funny as shit but nasty as fuck because I do know what that is. So… what’s the problem with your girlfriend?

Victoria: LMAO, girlfriend what girlfriend?

Me: look, I’m just going off of what you tell me so blame yourself for this stupid confusion, yea. That’s new vocabulary, what are you watching on PBS child? But you are okay though right?

Victoria: I didn’t say anything about a girlfriend.

Me: Then who’s Jill?

Victoria: LMFAO: it’s disgusting but yet you still got it. Yea I guess I’m okay. OMG it’s off the stupid commercial, What is your malfunction?

Me: Ok well yea, I understood your swear word but damn that’s a harsh thing to say. Its way worst than a crotch shot a girl with a steel toe but I have contributed to some. On an adult female it’s hot (the bubble not the crotch shot) but in all instance it’s really fucking nasty and to call someone that is funny but fucked up especially as a nickname.

Me: So what happened, what’s the problem?

Victoria: LMFAO, eww thanks for sharing, yes it is a fucked up nickname.

ME: You’re welcome

Victoria: IDK he just being funny. Fag

Me: Hey I share because I care, what up with name calling, fag, cum bubble, don’t get your panties in an uproar, gees Louise.

Victoria: Yep and I have Aids you want some?

Me: (errr, tire screech) What the fuck, no, it’s not nice to share that and no not cool but from you I would. Who else can say that?

Victoria: I know hahaha.

Me: Could it be, I don’t know, something less fatal. Ooh like a curable VD or STD or something?

Victoria:  :}, nope

Me: I would give you my own blood because that’s how much I FUCKING LOVE YOU! Do you hear me!!!? Really though, it has to be Aids really?

Victoria: Awe I love you too but I wouldn’t go that far…. J/P.

Me: What, you wouldn’t take my blood? Oh I just saw the J/P thing. I was about to say damn who’s being the cum bubble now.

Victoria: Yep, Aids it is.

Me: If you bled I would lick your finger to keep you from dying. That’s how much you mean to me. Although I’m pretty sure you can’t die from a small cut on your finger.

Victoria: No I would, hahaha. Eww nasty.

Me. Yes you would and nobody wants to be a cum bubble except maybe the bubble. Did that sound like a devotion of love or just creepy?

But seriously serious, Aids, what about Hepatitis C, can it be Hep. C.?

Victoria: No, the bubble doesn’t even want to be either, oh and definitely creepy lol.

Me: Aids is a pretty big thing, I mean I love you and all but I don’t know I guess it depends on how I got it from you.

Victoria: Nope can’t even do it.

Me: I thought a lil creepy too. 

Victoria: Well you know that I would cut you then cut and then we really would be blood brother and sister, muahahaha. LMFAO, huh.

Me: LOL ok what the fuck, wow your fucking crazy. Hey I just realized something this is an unusual conversation but really funny.

Victoria: I know then we can have aids together wouldn’t that be fucking awesome.

Me: Hmmm.

Victoria: LMFAO, yea it is my boo keeps asking me what the fuck is so funny.

Me: Umm, still depends on how I got it?

Victoria: you would get it from me cutting you and then cutting me then rubbing our blood together.

Me: But hey thanks for this I’m glad we could chare this little spark of psychoticness, I don’t think I could or would do this with anyone else.

Me: I don’t know I mean is that a story I can proudly tell other people. I mean come on it’s Aids, sure all of the stories or ways that people contracted it, is sad or drug related but rubbing blood on each others’ stab wound from the one psycho that cut the both of us, which is you.

I would make up something up that sounds more tragic. Sounds like a crazy scheme. Or sex either way. You get it we should do it. Ha ha ha J/K, ( kind of). Wait, how old are you now, you're 18 right, cause you know I would never joke around like that. I respect you too much and plus it's frowned upon so no, and  no. We're still cool right?

Me: So now that you’ve laughed a little do you feel a little bit better.

Victoria: Maybe, Yea my bad I was talking and I didn’t read my texts right away. Actually dumb-ass I'm 19 which you should know this. Do we or do we not have the same birthday genius? You're always saying you're so damn smart. Yes we're still cool.

Me: And that’s what a good friend does and I’ll always try to get you as much off topic as I possibly can by normal or accident.

It’s okay I’m watching Star Wars anyway.

Victoria: Faggot. You’re dumb.

Me: Excuse me, what’d you just say you little soda humper, I think not.

Victoria: Umm, faggot I believe it was, I think you just might be.

Me: Listen count crotchula, you’re my friend and that’s messed up. What I’m a fag because I’m watching Star Wars?

Victoria: Soda humper, what the fuck is that? Yea and I’m not watching it.

Me: Um, I do recall when you and I were Toking in my room and we were happy and watching TV and you wanted to watch that Hilary fucking Duff movie because it was sweet and shit. That my dear is being a fag then I was a dumb-ass and let you watch it then I watched it and it sucked because it was a chick flick but I still love you, the only reason I was able to sit through that Disney throw up of a movie was because of the mids I had, oh and Vanessa Lengies.

Victoria: LMFAO, yo I remember that shit shut up it was sweet I was like 15 back then asshole, yo fuck you.

Me: Wait how old are you again? Time just flies by, I know because your my sister. Oh I’m sorry did that, did that strike a nerve, did it bother you? Anyway listen, it’s not that boring ass 80’s shit. It’s about how Anakin Skywalker became Darth Vader and joined the Dark Side and shit. Choking mother fuckers with your mind and telekinesis and killing and light sabers and lasers and shit.

Me: And yes thank you, wow I do sound like a nerd fag but it’s in H fucking D HD bitch. Plus I may have been non-designated driving, drinking a little bit so you have your secret and I have mine.

Victoria: I wanna watch. OMG you're a friggin retard I swear you should get yourself checked.

Me: look bitznitch I'm just trying to make sure I forget sometimes. It’s a little corny and gay but yo they be cutting and slicing mother f*ckers with their laser swords and throwing people across the room and the fucking lasers I mean they’re lasers. No blood just clean cutting heads off.

Victoria: LMFAO, I want to watch.

Me: I bet you do now. I was only going to watch like 30mins but it’s been like 2hrs and this Dark Side talk and force power is crazy. I thought about deleting it but it pulls you in because it gives you a suspicion of moral boundary of good and evil, rage, jealousy and greed also insecurities and desperation on the lost of a loved one.

Victoria: Damn, wow, damn your lame shut up.

Me: No I’m seriously you gotta see it for yourself but yea it is kind of lame.

Victoria: Yea okay I guess so.

Me: Episode III Revenge Of the Sith, 2005 or some-thingamajig. You’re so sarcastic.

Victoria: Oh, I know.

Me: I love you though but seriously I’m gonna make you watch it with me but we can’t be sober because nobody wants to watch this shit sober and have to remember they sat through 3 1/2hrs of it.

Victoria: LMFAO, LMAO, why because your black?

Me:Ye… Yes 

 

 

 

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