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February 12, 2009


I know I've been quiet here lately. But the news these days really isn't pumping my nads quite as much as living life. Being busy is good. Please checkout Home Fires when I am MIA.

I've tried with every ounce of my might to not write/talk/joke about Salma Hayek or Octo-Mom Nadya Suleman. Some things are just simply overdone.

I really think Salma did an awesome thing. Wet nurses were really common back in the day, so it's not unheard of. And to see that baby chugging away like that, while looking so lovingly at her with those big eyes, well to be honest, it gave me warm fuzzies all over.

But the jokester within just can't shake the following thoughts out of my head.

The baby said:

"Your fun bags are like a fiesta in my mouth."

"Your piñatas are filled with liquid candy."

"Mrs. Wet Nurse, Famous Lady, I like what you are serving on tap. My other mommy only has powdered milk in her banana boat boobies."

Sentimental Sentiment:

Somewhere in the heart of Africa, lays a child with a full tummy and burrito farts.

Pay it Forward:

Octonut, AKA whatever her name is with the 14 kids, was caught watching the news footage of Salma as if she was udderly marketable. Sources close to the octuplet's mother say, "A PayPal account has been set up for each of her babies as well as each of those breasts."
A War in the Wings?

And this is how turf wars begin at such young ages. Salma's baby saw another baby tapping that nip like a kegger.