The Arrogance Translator
We’re all arrogant about something. Most of us are arrogant about the most stupid things. Ultimately, what we are arrogant about says a lot about us. For example, if I’m arrogant about my skills in mathematics, I’m most likely an intelligent person. If I brag about my donut eating skills, I’m most likely 800 pounds overweight. What does what your arrogant about say about you? Well, read this and find out.
Arrogant Quote #1: “My kill/death ratio in Call of Duty is amazing.”
Translation: “I am most likely a foul mouthed 13-year old that spends at least 150 hours a week playing Call of Duty. The only two things that frighten me more than getting killed in CoD are girls and sunlight.”
Arrogant Quote #2: “My musical taste is so complex.”
Translation: “I go to Pitchfork to learn what all of my musical opinions should be. Have you heard of Pitchfork? Of course not, your musical opinions are worse than mine. The fact that I listen to Arcade Fire and you listen to Katy Perry makes me inherently smarter than you could ever be.”
Arrogant Quote #3: “Did you see how many likes my newest Facebook status received?
Translation: “What’s more awesome, that quote I copy and pasted onto Facebook or myself? Every like I get on Facebook gives me one more reason to live.”
Arrogant Quote #4: “I’ve had sex so many times.”
Translation: “I could be collecting stamps, but collecting STDs is so much more gratifying.”
Arrogant Quote #5: “My kid is better than your kid.”
Translation: “I have failed to accomplish my own goals and have failed to fulfill my dreams. I am declaring my child an extension of myself and they are now responsible for accomplish my goals. I am also a better parent than you are.
Arrogant Quote #6: “I can outdrink anyone!”
Translation: “My liver can’t out-uhhh-liver anybody’s.
Arrogant Quote #7: “I have 507 Twitter followers!”
Translation: “Did you know that my mother could follow someone 507 times. I didn’t know that was possible. But anyways, at least I look important.”
Arrogant Quote #8: “I have such a great girlfriend! She is the bestest girlfriend in the world!”
Translation: I am currently in a relationship that will last three more weeks. I will soon find out my girlfriend will dump me because of my incessant neediness and serious use of the word “bestest”.
Arrogant Quote #9: “I am the best rapper in the game! My Youtube videos are so hot right now!
Translation: Despite the fact that I consistently rip off Mac Miller and my newest video has a little over a thousand views, no rapper can touch me (in my high school).
Arrogant Quote #10: “My acoustic guitar skills are amazing!”
Translation: I can kind of play “Your Body is a Wonderland” on this thing. Will you have sex with me?
Arrogant Quote #11: “I am a beast at pick-up basketball.”
Translation: I was the third best player on my high school basketball team and I take pick-up basketball way too seriously. If you don’t pass it to me, I will berate you the entire game. We won’t win unless I take all of the shots. Trust me; I was the third best player on my high school’s basketball team.
Arrogant Quote #12: “Check out these killer shoes I just bought!”
Translation: My head may be empty, but this shoe isn’t.
Arrogant Quote #13: “My dad can beat up your dad.”
Translation: I am five years old. Seriously, I’m five.
Arrogant Quote #14: “I’m a very well-endowed individual.”
Translation: I’m not very well-endowed.
Arrogant Quote #15: “I have captured every single Pokemon.”
Translation: I am seriously awesome. No seriously, I am an amazing human being.