At a recent Cabinet meeting, Mike Pence declared serving Donald Trump to be the “greatest privilege of my life.” So what are the nine other greatest privileges it beat out?
The Top Ten Privileges of Mike Pence’s Life
1. Serving Donald Trump
Greatest - Having the highest degree of quality or distinction. Better than all others. Like, better than literally everyone else you know and love.
2. Taking baths
Because showers are too exotic. Pence believes it is improper for a man to be sprayed with anything. Except undeserved praise from his Cabinet.
3. Neapolitan ice cream
But he only eats the vanilla. Or, as it’s called in Indiana, a Pence Sundae.
4. Never using a toilet touched by any woman but his wife
Beyond the moral issues, it gives him the peace of mind to sit no matter what he’s there to do.
5. Unlimited toast
A VP perk. Available anytime and just like he likes it: White bread,dry or with a little mayo.
6. Never attending events where women other than his wife consume hot dogs
And only permitting himself to eat a hot dog with a a knife and fork.
7. His mother tying his shoes
Until the age 25. But eventually all big boys grow up.
8. His wife tying his shoes
There’s a reason he calls her “Mother.”
9. Making collages of Donald Trump
Mostly as gifts for loved ones.
10. Tie: Marrying his wife/Raising his three children
What an honor to be on the same list as the great Donald Trump.