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May 07, 2015

Prisons are hoping to lure top prison basketball prospect Chris Brown to their facility.

Chris Brown Prison Basketball Scouting Report

Chris Brown has burst onto the national prison basketball prospect scene. His recent booking for aggravated assault has prisons clamoring to get their hands on this sensational,hard-hitting talent.


Judging by ample evidence provided in his musical videos, Brown has the natural athletic ability that will translate behind bars and the quick feet needed to avoid shower rape attempts.

Judging by his celebrity basketball highlight reel he can shoot from the outside, beat his man (or woman), and dunk jumping off two feet—though it remains to be seen if a heavy orange prison jumpsuit will greatly affect his vertical leaping ability.


Needs consider bulking up. Prison basketball games offer a different level of physicality than the celebrity and entourage-heavy basketball games Brown usually participates in.Attempting to showboat on a lifer whose tattoos are more intimidating than Brown’s game face, could result in something more damaging than having to cancel Canadian tour dates. Brown could face a double shanking: once while he elevates to shoot and once again when he lands.

And, overall, the kind of person that would have someone in their entourage punch Frank Ocean over a parking space suggests a lack of toughness.


There are many, many comparisons to be made: T.I., Lil Wayne, Tupac, Ja Rule. All are entertainers/basketball players that have spent time behind bars and there are way too many more to list.

However, Brown might best them all. And his upside is huge. In that he seems like he’s on a path to committing a truly major crime and that a prison basketball team might be able to get him in his prime and for a period of years.