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June 23, 2010


Nepal-tingling, hip shaking, keyboard-spanking comedian and toilet paper fetishist, Bill Zucker has been chosen to star in the Hollywood remake of ‘The Godfather’ movie. In the film he will play Don ‘TP’ Corleone, the aging patriarch of an international dynasty involved in the cross-border trafficking of ’triple-layered’ toilet paper. Filming of this Weinstein funded project will commence next month on a purpose built set in Alaska and will then move onto other glamorous locations such as Springfield in MassachusettsNorth Korea and finally to Kazakstan.

Bleach blonde, tousled-haired, megaphone-wielding Hollywood director Lonnie ’Bow tie’ Senstock has signed on to direct the film for a reported $49.99 and six months supply of toilet paper. It is being rumored (but not officially confirmed or denied)  that Zucker will be paid a ground-breaking $99.99 for the role which [if true] squarely puts him at the top of the league of Hollywood ‘Feather-weight’ actors.

Once again Lydia ‘Mwah’ Cornell will play the love interest of Zucker. The real life 'On-again, off-again, on-again and off again' couple recently appeared in the action movie sequel ‘Braveheart 2 – The Rubber duck years’, which grossed a staggering $249.00 in worldwide ticket sales and kept 'Avatar 34' off the #1 spot in Zucker’s local Miami cinema.

Other stars confirmed in this hot remake includes John Wayne Bobbitt as Michael ‘Snip’ Corleone, Mel Gibson as Santino ‘Hail Marys’ Corleone, Megan Fox as Kay ‘Bimbo’ Adams and Paris Hilton as Connie ‘Carpet burn’ Corleone Rizzi.

Zucker is currently starring in the Kelsey Grammer and Bill Zucker comedy hour with top Bollywood Actor Kelsey Grammer who most recently starred in ‘Bend it like Becham’ with English actress Kiera Knightley.

Their hit show has just been commissioned by NBC for a second series for the Network’s Primetime 8-9pm and will shift Jay Leno to a regular 1.32am slot. That early morning slot has been home to ‘Extreme Makeover – Spare Cupboard Under-the-Stairs Edition’ for the past 10 years, which is now going to be slotted in at 2.34am - the current home of  'The David Letterman Show'. Tragically that immensely popular show will be renamed ‘The midday at 12pm during lunchtime show with David Letterman’ and will give Letterman more time to spend 'consulting' his pretty production staff.

Zucker was nursing a hangover and his Rep told us:

“My main man Billy Z is cool about landing this gig brothaaa...he is going to be personally auditioning babes for the swimming pool and Jacuzzi scenes with boxers on their heads.. and he can’t wait!..”

Cornell, Fox and Bobbit were not available for interview and Grammer was still taking Swahili lessons for his next Broadway role in 'Macbeth - The Hyde-Pierce Apparition'.

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