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July 20, 2014

Losing the best player in basketball isn't the end of the world for Miami.

Lebron James leaving Miami isn’t the end of the world…who am I kidding, they better take a picture because Miami won’t sniff another NBA title without him but all is not lost. King James isn’t the first star to leave a great cast of characters only to be replaced, like people won’t say,”Hey, who the hell is this?”. Just ask Janet Hubert aka Aunt Viv, the original Vivian Banks from the hit show “The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air”. One word from the Man In Black himself and Janet was neutralized from NBC studio audiences existence and replaced with the lovely (and much lighter) Daphne Reid.

Miami can survive losing Lebron, they just need to a Hollywood recasting and I have a list of possible replacements that meet the one noticeable requirement his basketball heiress has: a receding hairline.


The “Juice” isn’t loose but his hairline is making a break for it

Orenthal James Simpson aka O.J. Simpson:

Former athlete, O.J. should be able to fit right into the Heat line up.

The prison gym will have him in perfect shape for the 2019-20 season, when he’s up for parole.

Just don’t anybody steal his jersey, again.


Can he serenade his hairline to come back to the front?

Wayne Brady

The multi talented Brady can sing, act, dance,and hopefully has a jump shot.

We know he can get tough from his Chappelle Show appearance just in case he has to choke a bitch Latrell Sprewell style.


The originator of the Cul de Sac hairline

Larry Fine

Yes, of The Three Stooges fame, he had a brief career as a boxer so professional sports isn’t new to him.

When the team is behind, he can whip out the Stativarious, play “Pop goes the weasel”, and rally the team into a Curley like fury.

If he can handle the rock as well as Moe’s punches he’ll fit in just fine.


Ego so big his hairline had to take a backseat.

Stephen A. Smith

Let’s see if he can walk the walk as well as he talks.

I’m sure NBA players will love to see the blabber mouth of ESPN in a jersey. Wonder how many flagrant fouls they’ll rack up busting Smith in the chops?


His hairline is heckling him way from the back

Jamie Foxx

Is there anything he can’t do? Well, basketball is a part of his many skills.

He can sport a dress just as well as Dennis Rodman.


His hairline propelled him into syndication

Sherman Hemsley

George Jefferson in the bald headed flesh. If his basketball moves are as fast as his funky chicken moves opposing teams will be in trouble.

Just in case the team needs a prayer for another title, his stint as Deacon Frye on “Amen” will come in handy.