Your momma got so forcefully impregnated against her will that now she has to be a momma again (because life begins then).
Your momma is so qualified to be Vice President that she agrees with my previous "snap" about rape.
Your grandfather is so old that he could very well die in the next few years because although he is in his early 70's a decent chunk of his life was spent being tortured and malnourished which probably makes him the equivalent of perhaps close to 90. Also he is becoming an asshole.
Your father's skin color and name are so terrorist-y that he is going to become a community organizer and help set up job training programs, and tenants' rights organizations and then be accepted to Harvard Law and in his second year be elected president of the Law Review becoming the first different skin color than mine president of said Law Review which will lead to the publication of his first book ("Dreams from His Father") and then be elected to the Illinois Senate and gain bipartisan support for legislation reforming ethics and health care laws which will then allow him to successfully run for the United States Senate and deliver the keynote address at the 2004 Democratic National Convention in which he would describe yo maternal great grandfather's experiences as a World War II veteran and speak about the changing government's economic and social priorities which will launch his status as a national political figure and boost his campaign for U.S. Senate which he will then win by receiving 70% of the vote and then announce his candidacy for President of the United States on the site where Abraham Lincoln delivered his historic "House Divided" speech and he's gonna emphasized the issues of ending the Iraq War, increasing energy independence, and providing universal health care and eventually pass the threshold to become the presumptive nominee and at the '08 Democratic National Convention he will deliver a speech in front of 84,000 supporters and during the speech he will accept his party's nomination and present details of his policy goals which is all a ruse so that he can destroy the country and blow it up because also his middle name is Hussein.