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August 21, 2014
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An extensive guide on how to watch the Simpsons Marathon on FXX.

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There’s no doubt that “The Simpsons” is an iconic television show. There are those who have been on this planet for two decades and can’t remember a time when “The Simpsons” didn’t grace our screens. Well, FXX, in a bid for people to actually know where to find FXX, is giving our yellow friends the marathon treatment. The FX off shoot is airing every Simpsons episode ever over a 12 day span.

Exciting, no? Well, 552 episodes in a row seems like a hell of an undertaking and no doubt that there are people who will attempt to catch every single one of them, because, well, human beings. So, here’s a guide that will help you get through this epic marathon:

  • Declare to your twelve Twitter followers your intention of watching every single Simpsons episode.
  • Check to see if you have FXX.
  • Still checking…
  • Maybe you don’t have FXX. Maybe it doesn’t- Oh, there it is.
  • Take a two-week vacation from work so you can watch it.
  • You were born a couple of years before the Simpsons premiered, so you realize you don’t even have a job to take a vacation from.
  • Let your nostalgia completely take over and create the feeling of watching the early Simpsons episodes in the early 90s.
  • You already live with your mom, so you’re off to a good start.
  • Buy the food that you would have bought back in the day.
  • Eat nothing but Pop Tarts and Hot Pockets for the first week.
  • You bought the food with money your mom gives you, but she can’t tell you what to do with it. You’re an adult, now.
  • So, you eat nothing but Fruit Roll Ups and Teddy Grahams for the next three days.
  • Go into diabetic shock.
  • Don’t go to the hospital, because the marathon has only two days left. You’re so close.
  • You foam Kool-Aid from the mouth and black out.
  • You wake up in a hospital bed.
  • You’re hanging on for dear life and the doctor tells you that one more taste of sugar will kill you.
  • But you’re in luck. It’s the final half hour of the marathon and there’s a TV in the room.
  • You start to flip through the channels.
  • After ten minutes, you realize the hospital’s basic cable package doesn’t include FXX.
  • You raise your fist in the air and shout, “It was all for nothing!”
  • You bribe a nurse to feed you one final fruit roll up.
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