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August 21, 2014

An extensive guide on how to watch the Simpsons Marathon on FXX.


There’s no doubt that “The Simpsons” is an iconic television show. There are those who have been on this planet for two decades and can’t remember a time when “The Simpsons” didn’t grace our screens. Well, FXX, in a bid for people to actually know where to find FXX, is giving our yellow friends the marathon treatment. The FX off shoot is airing every Simpsons episode ever over a 12 day span.

Exciting, no? Well, 552 episodes in a row seems like a hell of an undertaking and no doubt that there are people who will attempt to catch every single one of them, because, well, human beings. So, here’s a guide that will help you get through this epic marathon:

  • Declare to your twelve Twitter followers your intention of watching every single Simpsons episode.
  • Check to see if you have FXX.
  • Still checking…
  • Maybe you don’t have FXX. Maybe it doesn’t- Oh, there it is.
  • Take a two-week vacation from work so you can watch it.
  • You were born a couple of years before the Simpsons premiered, so you realize you don’t even have a job to take a vacation from.
  • Let your nostalgia completely take over and create the feeling of watching the early Simpsons episodes in the early 90s.
  • You already live with your mom, so you’re off to a good start.
  • Buy the food that you would have bought back in the day.
  • Eat nothing but Pop Tarts and Hot Pockets for the first week.
  • You bought the food with money your mom gives you, but she can’t tell you what to do with it. You’re an adult, now.
  • So, you eat nothing but Fruit Roll Ups and Teddy Grahams for the next three days.
  • Go into diabetic shock.
  • Don’t go to the hospital, because the marathon has only two days left. You’re so close.
  • You foam Kool-Aid from the mouth and black out.
  • You wake up in a hospital bed.
  • You’re hanging on for dear life and the doctor tells you that one more taste of sugar will kill you.
  • But you’re in luck. It’s the final half hour of the marathon and there’s a TV in the room.
  • You start to flip through the channels.
  • After ten minutes, you realize the hospital’s basic cable package doesn’t include FXX.
  • You raise your fist in the air and shout, “It was all for nothing!”
  • You bribe a nurse to feed you one final fruit roll up.