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November 15, 2012

A mother's letter to the nanny.

Dear Sarah:

Please confirm receipt of this message.  
I can't believe Wednesday is my last day of maternity leave, but the firm has obviously struggled without my day to day leadership.  Before I forget, I wanted to share these tips which you should consider an addendum to the items we've previously discussed and outlined in your contract.   I know you'll find them helpful in your role as nanny for our precious Carlisle.  
  1. Carlisle responds favorably to soft pastels so please avoid wearing any loud colors.
  2. While a previous favorite, Carlisle has already outgrown the books about tractors, and is now devouring the astronomy ones.
  3. Carlisle appreciates a tight schedule, and will alert you if there is more than a six minute delay in him being put down for nap.
  4. Carlisle answers to his given name only.  Carl, Carlton, Lyle, or any other nickname you may attempt will not be acknowledged. 
  5. Carlisle finds Mozart's earlier work to be void of truth.  Please stick to playlist: Wolfgang 1786-1791.  
  6. Carlisle abhors fresh ginger.  Be sure to remove it from his sashimi with your own chopsticks before serving his Bento box.
  7. Even though Carlisle chose not to include a personal essay with his application, it is incredulous that Harvard would waitlist him for their MBA program.  During this difficult period, it is imperative that you avoid using the following words in Carlisle's presence: Massachusetts, Cambridge, Boston, crimson, capital gains, amortization schedule, leveraged buy-out, optimization approach to indexing, and Mark Wahlberg.
  8. At his request, and for reasons which may be disclosed at a later date, any packages sent to Carlisle by actress Annie Potts should be refused delivery.
Bradley and I appreciate your attention to these items.