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September 01, 2009


I accept that I probably don't dress better than some of you per se. With the proper budget, I might; however, I am without same, and, as such, dressing better than certain of you simply is not an option. That said, I'm quite the snappy dresser all things considered -- sailor chic, four or five clicks short of dandy, I'd say -- and I dig my style.

Snappy dressing was not always my way. Middle school, for instance, was not a particularly snappy time, as my favorite outfit consisted of pleated khakies (with elastic at the waist and foot), a purple mock turtle neck, and black suede bucks. (Never mind the over-hairsprayed pompadour I rocked.) Travel also wasn't so great, specifically the time I wore faded jeans and a tee under an unbuttoned denim collared shirt with a loose bolo tie (think piece of leather cowboy twine around the neck closed with a be-turquoised silver, cow skull-inspired buckle). (Again, never you mind my haircut, which was seemingly modeled after that of my anorexic French teacher.) And, thank god none of Macy's, Bloomingdale's, Nordstom and Lord & Taylor carried silk shirts in my size, otherwise I would have gotten my way and changed out of my sensible shirt and tie into a Saved By The Bell opening credits-inspired billowy number in between my Bar Mitzvah service and party. (And, yes, I know had a shitty haircut, so get off my back about it!)

(NOTE TO MELISSA ROBERTS: I concede that notwithstanding the immediately preceding paragraph, the peacock-ish Sergio Tachini tracksuits I sported daily to our 4th/5th grade class were, in fact, rather snappy!)

Should you want to add some snap to your style, and why wouldn't you, follow these simple steps:

(1) Buy cool jackets! You'll get a bonus point if they are sporty looking! Lululemon isn't just for Brentwood housewives, so spring for a windbreaker and sit back on your porch as the compliment parade passes by.

(2) Look how they dress in Gap ads, and dress like that.

(3) Look how they dress in J. Crew ads, remove at least two items (be they a herringbone blazer and rep tie or a plaid suit vest and fedora or a second cardigan and a third scarf), and dress like that.

(4) Before you leave the house, look in the mirror and ask yourself whether a person who owns a sailboat would don your duds.  If so, hit the streets.  If not so, go back and try again. This is the most important tip of all.

Naturally, the best accessory for any snappy outfit is truly amazing hair (with which, you all already know, I'm blessed), but even if you can't accessorize perfectly, please still add a little snap to your style.  You'll thank me later!