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Published June 16, 2012

 

A Letter to the Girl Who Keeps on Flooding My Facebook Feed with Skanky Pictures

Dear Girl Who Keeps on Flooding My Facebook Feed with Skanky Pictures,

Why do you hate me? I just want to get on Facebook once without having the desire to shoot myself in the eye with a nail gun. Thanks to you, I have that desire every single time I get on Facebook. I’m not sure if you realize this, but there are only so many ways to take pictures of yourself in a mirror before every picture gets completely boring. If I see one more picture of your absolutely average and unimpressive cleavage, I might put my head through the computer monitor. I don’t understand why you must completely ruin my day by posting at least four pictures of yourself in a mirror every day of your life.  Are you some sort of alien creature that literally cannot survive without getting three Facebook likes a day? That’s the only explanation I can come up with, you goddamn attention whore. I hate you so much.

I also don’t understand why you must post a song lyric with your picture. There is no context at all for a song lyric to be associated with your totally slutty mirror picture. You have almost ruined music for me. Sometimes when I listen to a song, I’ll remember that you used a lyric for that song and posted that lyric with one of your pictures. Even though I don’t ask for it, my mind instantly associates your picture with that song and the memories of looking at your picture come back. I then vomit. None of this actually happens though, because I don’t listen to the shitty music that you listen to.

Having “Freedom of Speech” doesn’t making you immune from criticism on Facebook, you fuckwit. If you attempt to attention whore every day of your life by posting horribly unattractive pictures, you should expect criticism for it. Your “haters” are probably people that actually want you to be hirable. Of course you’ll never be hirable because even strippers get paid money before they willingly show their private parts to the entire world. Also, you spell the world you “yu”. I don’t get that. If you want to be lazy, just type u. If you want to be a respectable human being, spell you properly. People who spell you “yu”, might be the worst people on this planet.

I really don’t understand the guys that always like your pictures and tell you you’re “a sexxxyyy grrl”. Well, actually, I do understand. They’re idiots and they’re trying to get laid, but it still angers me. If more people appreciated a good mind over an average body then maybe this world wouldn’t be such a shithole. The same guys who like your pictures are the same guys who post terrible videos of themselves rapping on Youtube. You can’t rap about getting money if you’re still living with your parents while holding down a job at McDonalds and you can’t rap about living in the hood just because the doctor that you happen to live by in your suburban community is black.

In conclusion, I just want to let you know that you’re an absolute failure of a human being and I despise you and everything that you happen to stand for. I’m against duckfaces. I’m against fat-concealing mirror shots. I’m against attention whoring. Most importantly, I’m against you. Please get off Facebook forever and never spread your genes.

Sincerely,

A Concerned Citizen

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