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January 12, 2017
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#9. Remember, you couldn't possibly disappoint anyone today as much as you've already disappointed your parents.

  • We’re not three kids in a trenchcoat out there. Out there we’re a man.
  • Underbites were probably worshiped in some ancient culture.
  • Wash your hands with soap, always be dope, never forget that you’re the Young Pope!
  • Please don’t embarrass us today.
  • You Can Fuck. You Can Fuck.
  • Don’t worry about it, because your every waking moment is merely part of a simulation run by an unknowable superior civilization.
  • Remember, you couldn’t possibly disappoint anyone today as much as you’ve already disappointed your parents.
  • You’re not a ghost. People can see you.
  • You are the funny guy in the office, and Rick Yates from Accounting is just a guy quoting movies.
  • I’m a big beefy miracle and I hunger for more.
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