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March 14, 2014

When Friends is broadcast in Belarus, a new character is added. Hilarity and hijinks ensue

When Friends is broadcast in Belarus, a new character is added. Hilarity and hijinks ensue.

  • Joey and Ross accidentally take a nap together and much to their dismay, find that they like it. Phoebe and Rachel compete to be Monica’s plus-one at a restaurant opening. President Stanislaus Bragdonovic accidentally loses Chandler’s lucky socks.
  • Monica's plan to make new friends backfires. Phoebe finally gets her first bicycle. Bragdonovic and Joey play practical jokes on each other.
  • Joey discovers he’s getting a free porn channel on his TV. Ross tells Rachel how he really feels about her. Bragdonovic has dates with two women at the same time, but this is ok because he is virile like ox!
  • Monica and Chandler go to a bed and breakfast. Ross tries to grow a mustache as good as Bragdonovic’s, but he fails. Bragdonovic extends mercy to him and his feminine face.
  • Chandler accidentally hits on his boss. Joey uses an English accent because he thinks it makes him sound smarter. Phoebe signs a loyalty oath to Bragdonovic, who is a man of the people. [Note: From this episode on, the fountain in the opening credits is replaced by a statue of Bragdonovic that constantly rotates so it always faces the sun. The friends do not frolic. They salute.]
  • Ross has doubts about his new girlfriend. Phoebe takes up massage. Bragdonovic bans assembly of more than four people in Rachel and Monica’s apartment.
  • Ross tries to deny he still has feelings for Rachel. Monica flatly dismisses Chandler's idea to turn the spare bedroom into a game room. Bragdonovic is tried for war crimes at The Hague and Joey wants to be his lawyer because he once played one on TV.
  • Rachel has an awkward conversation with her father. Monica hires a stripper for Chandler. Bragdonovic sells arms to North Korea. UN Security Council sanctions him, but he claims that he and the embargo were, “on a break.”
  • [The episode where the group goes to London is replaced by Bragdonovic speaking directly into the camera about the tenets of Bragdonovician Socialism for half an hour.]
  • Bragdonovic has his secret police torture Chandler until he agrees to wear a silly tie to work. Joey uses his position as waiter to give all the pretty female customers free things at the coffee house. Chandler, of his own accord, decides to wear a silly tie to work.
  • Phoebe plays "Smelly Cat." Bragdonovic rewrites the lyrics to glorify the peasants of Belarus. Rachel has a crush on her new neighbor, General Viktor Dostrov.
  • Ross explains the difference between astronomy and archaeology. Bragdonovic comes to dinner and leaves the price-tag on the wine he brings as a gift. Dostrov calls him a coward and declares martial law.
  • General Dostrov executes Bragdonovic in the middle of Central Perk for crimes against the state. His pig-dog blood gets all over the couch. The children sing “The Eagle of Belarus” in Dostrov’s honor. Dostrov is now everyone’s “friend.” In an attempt to be fashionable, Joey wears a trucker hat.