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December 12, 2010

#29 of 50 ads featured in the book, "My Search For Love On Craigslist" by Michael Zinetti available online just about everywhere...

I'm in need of girl with 2 boobs. Preferably a pretty face and hot body should surround the 2 boobs. The color of body isn't important: red, white, blue, red again, black, brown, paisley, etc. Must be willing to reach into my pants at the drop of a hat. A college degree isn't required, but preferred. Must not have more than 2 kids. Height requirements are 4'0 to 5'8. Weight must not exceed 200 pounds, due to my tendency to lift girls up and carry them off to bed. I'm pretty firm on these specifications. Looking for a girl for basic. Cleanliness important. Must have an ample sense of humor. Ambidextrous girls may be given priority over non-ambidextrous girls, as it pertains to ease in which to grab my Johnson at any angle. Must own either a Smiths, Rufus Wainwright, Bob Marley, Motown, Jam, Alison Krauss, or Radiohead CD. Must be willing to endure the taste of cum every now and again and again. Would like a girl for church. Excessive swearing may get you tied up and mistreated for several hours. Must be willing to drive. Can't fart or belch like a pirate. No foaming at the mouth. Rudeness, like checking your phone every five seconds, will not be tolerated. Must support healthcare reform. Must not be living with, still seeing, or thinking fondly of ex-boyfriend all the time. Must be willing to go to Hooters, and/or dress up like a Hooters girl every now and then. No visible tattoos of ex-beaus’ names. Tramp stamp okay, as long as it's not a distracting image, ie. my mom, your mom, jesus, or conjoined twins. No taking me shopping. No excessive use of overused pop-culture phrases like "right on" or "that’s sick". Materialistic girls need not apply. No going through my stuff.