White Girl Icons: Part 1

Don’t even act like you aren’t jealous of her pouty lips and killer rack. I’m not referring to the 80-year-old-Nixon-jowled Brigitte Bardot. I only mean the younger version. She was the French version of Marilyn Monroe- a bombshell. That’s part of why I feel a connection to Brigitte Bridge. My cute nickname for her is “B-squared."

I haven't actually seen any of her movies. I hate subtitles and I'm jealous of people who can speak French. French people are so much cooler than everybody else. They smoke a lot, even though ciggies are lethal. French people sit in cafes, smoking, eating fatty foods, wearing cashmere, and judging everyone.

Brigitte Bardot is also an animal activist. I'd be fake-lesbians with her in a heartbeat. We'd look so hot together. Then our breakup would go like this:

Brigitte: "Babe, you have to stop with the fur. You can't wear it anymore. I j'adore you, but it's bad for my image."

Me: "No way, this is Margiela and it's tres chic. It's not coming off."

Brigitte: "I can't do this anymore. I am so f*cking done!" (crying, with mascara running)

Then I'd drunk-text her all the time, like "Miss u, B-squared. Still luv u." It would be tragic. I can't even talk about this anymore, it's making me too sad.