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Stats & Data

November 03, 2009


Don't get me wrong, I completely appreciate/encourage people to be joyful and to take pride in their work.  However, there are certain times/places where earnest exuberance can really make a girl feel uncomfortable, and one of those times is at the gyno's office.   Now, for some reason I can't seem to have a pap test that ever comes out conclusive, so twice in the past ten years I've had to go to step two, which is to have a colposcopy which is a little procedure where you go in, straddle the stirrups and the good doctor goes in with a camera and a little spray thing that if the cells on your skin turn white means that you have cancer.  So, there's a 32 inch screen next to you and both you and the doctor (who has not bought you a meal, by the way), get to check out your vayjay.  The first time I had it done, I was fairly taken aback by this fifty some odd year old DOM, who absolutely RAVED about how lovely/beautiful my girl was, it was like he was describing a delectable pastry or the Mona Lisa, I was flattetered (?), but not entirely convinced of his sincerity.  I just thought that I should take it as a compliment given that the man sees A LOT of vag, so if he's that happy with mine, I should be happy.   Then, last year, I went a different guy, who was actually a bit of a hottie, again with the magnified vag on the big screen and AGAIN!!!  "LOOK AT THAT!  THAT'S WONDERFUL!"  He actually called it "WONDERFUL"!  I was tempted to suggest that there are better ways to get to know the girl than a metal camera wand and a spray bottle...but I don't because the nosy nurse is there and I highly suspect there is some office fun going on around there, plus I don't want word getting around the doctor circuit that I'm THAT easy because I'm sure I would get diagnosed with all kinds of NECESSARY testing after that.  Anyways, time goes by and my annual physical was last week, so again with the pap.  So, before the deed my doctor and I are chit chatting and he asks me about a doctor I don't remember.  I have no idea who he's talking about.  He refreshes my memory and I'm like, "yes, I went to that clinic."  So, I have my legs jammed apart in the stirrups and feel the cool speculam get inserted and my doctor comments "This looks reaaaallllyyy gooood." And I have an instant flashback (wait for it AMY!)...and then I'm like "NOW I remember!" 
So, Gynos, I understand that it's fun to whistle while you work, but the cat calls are really not that necessary.  It would be sufficient to say "It looks healthy." Well...that might imply "well used", so perhaps "healthy" isn't the best word....