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Stats & Data

August 06, 2010

Advice from the wizened on how to deal with fools, liars and thieves you meet in the everyday world.

Personalities You May Meet



The Insurance Agent:


Though on the surface of things this character might appear to be a kind and considerate human being.   Don’t not be fooled.  These specimens are without souls.  This does not mean they are evil.  They are more like reflexive automatons of a massive system that demands obedience.  Think of them not as insurance agents, but more like KGB operatives.  Someone not to be trusted with all of the truth, but perhaps fed bits of instructive information as to keep them in your sights and determine their full intentions. 

Try though not to be too judgmental. These are not people to bullshit with.  They have a reptilian instinct that can sense such things.  They are in no way natural conversationalists.  They are basically pre-literate.   Remember these are scared people.  This was the only job in which that could acquire their own personal fiefdom and they are not sure how in control they really are.  The pressures of the industry:  tight federal regulations, apprehensions about fake insurance claims and the greedy desire to muscle in on the investments rackets have this bunch tightly wound.

Do not worry.  Within their own dogmatic system lies you salvation from these forensically challenged anti-shamans of probability.  As part of your misinformation campaign to keep these “inspectors” at bay do not hesitate to throw them a bone of their own liking.  Here’s how: 

Make an appointment with your insurance agent.  Preferably on a Tuesday.  Tell them you need to discuss your “special needs”.   Let them know in the meeting that you do not make much money, but want to start investing a little bit to save for the future.  Tell them all you can afford is a modest 20 dollars per month to put away for older age and any “unexpected emergencies” that might arise at some unknown time in the future.  This is something they can understand.   Let them make all the decisions from there.  Yes you will have to fill out a few tedious investor profiles.   Important:  Do not make yourself appear be to too willing to take risk.  This will draw their suspicion and they may have to call Moscow for advice.   

Congratulations.   You have just bribed your first insurance agent.  Be grateful.  Say good-bye.  Walk out of their office slowly without turning your back to them.