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June 06, 2011

How to kill yourself without killing the earth!

-  Contract AIDS, go on a sex binge and infect hundreds, then off yourself. Less people means less pollution.

-  Instead of writing a note and slitting your wrists, how about cutting the note into your arm. Save some paper and you’ll bleed out quicker. 

-  Instead of jumping off a building and spreading your guts all over, how about just pouring acid over your head. It’ll melt your body away. No body, no problems

-  Before hanging yourself, make sure that you sit up an appointment for later that day so none of your neighbors have to by harmful chemicals to get rid of the smell of your decaying body.

- When you decide to off yourself, why don’t you just head straight to the infirmary and burn yourself. Save the gas it would cost to drive your corpse.