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Published February 08, 2012

 

  Additional cigarette-smoking permits available – act now, limited numbers available. The California Department for the Restriction of Freedom (CDRF) has printed additional permits for persons seeking to smoke tobacco in public. It is illegal to simply light up, and citizens interested in sparking that cancer-stick on the street are advised to initiate the proper paperwork necessary to start the arduous process of obtaining one of these permits.

  In a press release issued today the CDRF stated that it restricts the liberty of the tobacco-smoking population in this fashion in hopes of silencing complaints from marijuana smokers, those violent and vociferous vagrants who grovel gladly before the CDRF for permission to pursue their Happiness. To insure the domestic Tranquility and to secure the Blessings of Liberty to all citizens equally, smokers of any type of tobacco must henceforth obtain permits before they shall be allowed to smoke in public their preferred substance.

  The elected leaders of the State of California and the appointed heads of the Department for the Restriction of Freedom began using the permit system when they discovered they could deliver vast profits to their prison-owning cronies by outlawing the use of addictive substances other than those sold or regulated by the State itself (prescription medication, alcohol, sugar). In addition to printing this batch of new tobacco-smoking permits, the CDRF is accepting applications from individuals seeking to drink coffee in public, from people wishing to gain or to lose body-weight, to cut their own hair, or to prepare their own food, and from citizens seeking to possess and to read books. Act now – limited numbers available.

  - reporting for The Violent & Vociferous Vagrant is HELLO MY NAME IS WHORPHAN

 

Spes Mea In Ratio Est | ???

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